


World's Greatest First Love: The Case of Daniel Howell

by Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Smut, First Love, Heartbreak, M/M, office!AU, they work at a publishing company
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisobound/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Dan Howell wanted a clean break from his father’s publishing company. It was why he applied for a different company in London: to stop the ridicule of his coworkers for riding on his ‘daddy’s coat tails’. But he wasn’t expecting to suddenly be going from a literature editor, to a graphic novel editor. And he certainly wasn't expecting to come face first with his first love who broke his heart from when he was a teenager: who just happens to be his new editor-in-chief.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 48
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Welcome to my new chaptered fic which is based on my favorite anime "The World's Greatest First Love: The Case of Ritsu Onodera" aka Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi! 
> 
> I got into this anime back in December and it took over my life and I really wanted to share the love for it by creating a Dan and Phil version for it in fic form! I changed it up to make it make sense with Dan and Phil and I hope it works! You don’t need to watch or be familiar with the anime to understand the fic because I’ve provided enough context inside of the fic for that. But if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me and I’ll provide details! Anyway, thanks for reading!

“Welcome to Onyx Publishing Company!”

Dan looked up from his feet long enough to see the perky brunette greening him in the doorway of the building. Her hair is pushed behind her ears that are glittering with pearls and diamonds. Dan found it hard to look around long enough to hear what she was saying.

“We always get very excited when we hear that we have a new editor joining our team!” She continued on. “We are always looking for more help so this will benefit us greatly.”

Dan just nodded his head in an unspoken gesture as she motioned him to follow her to a short corridor with a set of elevators waiting in the wings. “Our office, specifically the Sapphire branch, is located on the 3rd floor.”

“Oh, I wasn’t aware we were put into branches?” Dan says, flickering his eyes between the wall and the elevator door in front of him where he could see the numbers ticking down on.

“The companies owner wanted each division to be its own branch so because we’re in the graphic novel branch of editing, we are known as Sapphires.”

_Graphic novel branch? That wasn’t what he was coming to this company for!_

“I’m…”

“My name is Vicki,” She says, extending her hand out after the elevator door closes in front of them and she presses the 3 button. “I don’t do any of the editing but I’m the assistant to the editors so if anyone needs any last minute help, that’s me.”

“You said sapphire branch was graphic novels,” Dan says finally just as the elevator begins to rise, “but I was told I was going to be a literature editor.”

Vicki turned slightly and a smile danced on her lips for a moment, “Oh, you must be mistaken,” She says and Dan feels the color drain from his skin, “No one is ever hired at our company into the literature department. You have to make your way up the ladder for that.”

Dan feels like arguing, feels like pulling the plug on this new job. He didn’t want to be an editor for graphic novels. He wanted to be a literature editor, and he thought that was what he had come here to do. He thought that he was hired here to do that but…

The doors to the elevators open and Dan’s mouth drops open at the sight in front of him. There are people running around everything, while others are passed out on their desks, mugs of coffee split across the papers. People literally lay on the floor, papers strewn all around them.

Dan’s never seen something so chaotic before in his life.

“Oh my!” Vicky squeals, stopping in her tracks as Dan runs into the back of her and they stumble forward a few steps.

“What is going on here?” Dan asks, a bit out of breath and bit flabbergasted at everything he sees in front of him. He wasn’t sure where to even begin.

“Oh, they must be in the final processes for their manuscripts before it goes into printing,” She says with a cocked head. “Although I’ve never seen it this bad.”

She hurried him away from the elevator and past the employees to a desk sitting in the back of the room, occupied by stacks and stacks of books and various other papers. “Mr. Lester?” She asks, a head of dark hair rises up, glasses slightly askew and creases indented in his cheek from laying on the desk. “This is your new employee, Daniel.”

Mr. Lester sat up straighter and adjusted his glasses back on his nose and smoothed out the skin of his face as he forced out a smile and shoved a hand out. “Nice to meet you,” He says. “Showed up at a bad time though. We’re finishing up this latest print and are at the end of this cycle. We need to get the finished product to the printer by 5.”

“The printer?” Dan asks and Mr. Lester waves his hand.

“You’ll learn all about the printer later on.”

Dan’s lips curl up a bit. He’s not even sure what’s going on anymore. Everything seems like a mess and he’s starting to very much regret coming to work at this new company.

“Are you able to show him around?” Vicky asks. “I have to go back downstairs.”

Mr. Lester’s eyes close momentarily as he lets out a sigh and Dan stands back. He didn’t want to upset someone on his first day.

“Okay, fine,” Mr. Lester finally says as he stands up from his desk. The books shift around just enough for Dan to see that the name tag on his desk says ‘Philip M. Lester: Editor in Chief’ and he nearly has a heart attack.

This was his editor in chief and he was already being a burden? Even when he didn’t meant to be one? He felt like he could pass out.

Mr. Lester walked around the other side of the desk and looked at Dan, “So, this is the Sapphire branch,” He says, gesturing to all of the desks and cubicles around them. “We mainly edit graphic novels but we also work with authors and the printers to make sure everything is going smoothly. We do this in what we call cycles.”

Dan nods, “I worked a bit in editing at my previous job,” Dan says softly. “I worked in editing literature though.”

Mr. Lester turned his head to look at him and his brows furrowed. “So you know some of this then?”

Dan wants to nod because yeah, he does know it a bit. But the truth was that, he had other reasons why he knew editing but he wasn’t going to admit any of that at his new company. It was why he left his old one.

“A bit but we outsourced our printing so I have no idea what it’s like to have a printer right in the building.”

Mr. Lester motioned him to follow him so Dan did and they walked further into the office space. He pointed at a door on the left and said, “This is the break room although we typically don’t have time to use it.”

Dan swallowed.

Mr. Lester walked further down and they came to another set of elevators, “These are the staff only elevators. You would take them to go to the printer or to meetings. Meetings are always on the 4th floor, printing is on the 5th. If you need to go to another branch, you can read on the buttons which are which. We’re the Sapphire branch as I said but we have three other branches in here too.”

Dan was taking in all of the information, trying his best to keep everything straight as Phil explained each part of the office step by step.

Here is the printer. Here is the door to the hallway. Here is the window that everyone wants to jump out of. Dan’s head was spinning.

By the end of the short tour, Dan was rerouted back to an empty small desk where Mr. Lester pointed down and said, “This will be your workstation. I’ll be back in just a moment with your assignment.”

Dan set down his bag that he had forgotten he was still carrying with his laptop and other supplies and was just about to sit down when he suddenly had a thought. What was he supposed to be doing here?

“Mr. Lester…”

“I don’t go by that.”

Dan turned around and came face to face with Mr. Lester’s, “What?”

“I don’t go by ‘Mr. Lester’.” He said with a slight snarl to his tone. “I go by Phil.”

“Oh-okay,” Dan says, biting his lip. “Um…I was just wondering what my job here is going to be?”

Phil smiled at him turned on his heels, walking away. Dan was left standing there by his empty cubicle, unsure of what he was doing anymore. He watched as Phil walked to his desk and filed through some papers before he pulled out a large folder and came back to Dan.

He set the folder on the desk and motioned to it, “This is the new manuscript that came in three days ago that needs to be edited. Go through it, mark anything you think stands out. Your deadline is in two weeks with printing in four so make sure if anything is unclear, you contact the author.”

Dan’s mouth opened and closed, “Two weeks to edit? That’s all I have?”

Phil’s lips curled into a smile and he nodded, “Good luck, newbie.”

And he walked away.

***

“Hey, newbie. Come over here!”

Dan looks up from his desk, his eyes are going a bit cross eyed as he’s looking over page after page of the manuscript that Phil had given him. He still doesn’t know how he’s going to get any of this done but he’s trying his best.

Phil is sat at his desk, his feet resting on the edge as he balances himself in his chair, a stack of papers resting on his chest as he tips back a little bit further.

“Where did you work before you came here?” Phil tips forward and places the papers back onto his messy desk. “Didn’t you say you came from another publishing company? Well, obviously you did. I wasn’t available to do your interview but I did read a bit of your resume.”

Dan nods his head, “I came from Howell publishing.”

“Howell publishing?” Phil asks, shuffling through his papers just as his phone buzzes loudly on his desk. He stops the conversation in its track to pick it up and read the message he had just gotten.

“Yes,” Dan says, “as I’ve said, I was a literature editor.”

Phil turns his head, “What brought you to graphic novels then?”

“Well, you see…”

A voice over Dan’s shoulder interrupts them and they both turn towards the dark haired male standing behind them, “Phil, did you get the text? Marmon’s manuscripts just came over the fax and she’s here for the meeting with them.”

Phil nodded and took off his glasses to squeeze the bridge of his nose. He pushed them back on and let out a sigh as he pushed his chair back with a loud screech of the feet against the tile of the office floor and he smiled at Dan, “Let’s do a quiz then. Ever heard of sub mats?”

Dan furrowed his brows, “You mean the substitute pages you can add into a graphic novel with an author doesn’t have enough?”

Phil nods his head and starts walking towards the side of the office where the fax machine has a stack of paper waiting for Phil to grab.

“Aren’t sub mats kind of pointless?” Dan asks, following Phil around the office to the elevator as Phil clicks the ‘up’ button. “Because if you need more work from the author, can’t you just ask them to provide more work?”

Phil turned to him and shook his head, “Are you an idiot?” He asked, his voice laced with seriousness. “When you’re on a time constraint and your author isn’t giving you what you need, you need to be able to fill the dead space. Without sub mats, your work will never sell and you and your author are out of a job.”

The elevator dings and he and Phil both get on. Dan’s not even sure if he should be getting on the elevator too. Was he supposed to be following Phil? Does it look bad if he’s following Phil to a meeting with his author?

Shit, was he already fucking this up?

They only go up one floor and they’re stepping off in an empty meeting area with a poised brunette sitting at an empty table, her hair pulled into a messy bun and her clothing a bit wrinkled. Dan knows the stress of editing so he doesn’t question it.

Phil walks over to the table and shakes her hand and she shakes it back and Dan sits down beside them both as Phil shuffles through the manuscript and looks at each page. “Do you happen to have your tools with you?” Phil asks.

The girl nods her head and reaches down in her bag to pull out a pencil and an eraser.

“This part isn’t realistic,” Phil says, pointing to a drawing of a man standing with a female counterpart. Dan peaks over the paper and sees that it looks like the man and woman are about to kiss but something does seem off about the proportions, “People don’t kiss like that.”

The girl’s eyes go wide and she immediately scratches out the drawing and begins to draw a new version of that scene on the back of the manuscript page. She works furiously, redrawing the characters but Phil immediately stops her, “No...that’s not...have you even been kissed before?”

The girl looks up and her eyes are still doe-like and Dan feels kind of bad because isn’t that a personal question? He guesses that it’s a valid one given the nature of that comic but he still feels a bit bad for her.

“Well, with all due respect, Mr. Lester, but you normally have your eyes closed while you kiss so I’m not aware that I would have adequate knowledge of what I look like when I do kiss someone.”

Her answer is sure and strong and Dan gives her props because he knows if someone asked him that, he would want to melt into the floor and never reform.

Phil doesn’t seem pleased with her answer though because he suddenly runs his hand through his hair and then stands up, “You need to see a sample.”

Dan adamantly agrees, because yes, showing her a sample photo is probably a really good idea. And he may not know hardly anything about editing graphic novels but he can agree that seems like a smart move.

Except, Phil is suddenly grabbing his arm and yanking him up and he’s tilting his head to the side. Dan’s heart speeds up in his chest and his hands lift up instinctively to push Phil away and just as Phil’s mouth is closing in on his and their noses are touching, Phil pulls back and turns his head to the young writer, “Did you get that? Draw exactly what you just saw, just change one of us to your female character.”

The girl furiously began to draw and sketch out what she had just seen and Dan was left standing there with a knot in his stomach and his jaw dropped to the floor because what the ever-loving fuck was that? Does this mean that the editing team is also the models for graphic novel comics because he definitely didn’t sign up for that part. Not like he signed up for this at all...he still wants to be a literature editor.

The girl is still finishing up and Phil is still instructing her but Dan needs some air so he quickly leaves the room and hops on the elevator back to the office.

He makes his way into the breakroom and finds a coffee machine and he pours himself a cup. He pours a little bit of sugar into the cup and stirs it with a straw and takes a seat. His stomach is still in a knot and his mind is reeling.

He should really look into quitting this job. He feels like he’s not going to fit in here at all. This isn’t what he wants to do. He wanted to be a literature editor like he was at his other job…

_His other job._

Dan didn’t want to leave his other job. He loved being there. Despite his connections to the company, he still did really well and loved what he did. He even got to work with a top author for a while and even though the meetings and the editing took a long time, he still loved every second of it. He just couldn’t take the constant ridicule.

Dan’s dad owned Howell Publishing. His last name was slathered all over the company so of course people knew who he was. But that made people dislike him more. He hated walking into the breakroom to get a snack from the vending machine and hear people talking about him.

_I’ve been here for four years and I still get low selling authors. Dan has been here for one month and he’s beating us all._

_It’s such bullshit. Dan should be getting the scraps and I should be getting his authors._

_Dan shouldn’t be here._

Dan knew that their words shouldn’t get to him, but they did and it hurt. It cut deep into him because that profession was something he wanted nothing more to do but he felt like he couldn’t do it. And he one too many sobbing breakdowns in the office bathrooms to keep up the charade of being there and being happy. He wasn’t happy anymore if no one else was happy with his success.

So he left despite being the heir to the company and he decided to apply to other companies around London and somehow made his way here. But now this job is serving to be no better and he knows he should quit.

“Do you know anything about editing graphic novels?”

Dan picks up his head and sees Phil standing beside him.

“No, not really.”

“Do you have the motivation to do this?” Phil asks. “Because if you have no motivation to edit any of these novels, then there is no need for you to be here.”

The words feel like bullets against Dan’s skin. It’s one thing for him to be thinking about this in his own head but to hear someone else tell him to quit cuts deep into his core. He doesn’t like it.

“I want to try editing them,” Dan says. “I’ll do my best to make sure that I edit the ones I’m assigned to the best of my abilities.”

“But you still want to be a literature editor?” Phil asks. “You’re not being subtle about it.”

Dan shrugs, “I just like being a literature editor.”

Phil pulls the seat out next to Dan on the end of the table and turns it backwards so he can straddle it and rest his arms on the back, “How many people do you genuinely hear of doing the job that they love?” Phil asks, “Seriously, how many people do you hear say that they want to go to work because they’re doing a job they seriously love doing?”

Dan knows that Phil’s right but he still doesn’t like that.

“Do your research, and try your best. You can always ask for help if you need to,” Phil says standing up. “But here is a list of the graphic novels our team has published and I recommend you take a look at the few on this list.”

Phil pulls a folded up list from his pocket.

Dan nods at him and forces out a smile as Phil just nods back and gets up from the chair and walks out of the room.

When Dan finally feels better and like he can actually continue with his work, he leaves the breakroom and goes scrounging around the office for the copies of the books on the list Phil gave him. He finds a bunch of them and piles them on his desk, determined to read every one.

***

Dan walks into work the next day with sore eyes and a fatigued body. He read over 50 graphic novels the night before he left to go home and his eyes hurt and he feels exhausted. He also doesn’t feel like he wants to go into the mess of an office after seeing the state of it the day before.

He gets off from the elevator and rubs at his stomach that is already knotting at the thoughts of it.

He rounds the corner of the office and starts to speak up before he stops in his tracks and his jaw drops open. The office is completely spotless and the other editors are all sitting at their desks looking fine. No one looks like they’re passed out or about to and Dan is completely grateful for that.

The dark haired male turns his chair and faces Dan, “Good morning!”

Dan walks in slowly and sets down his stuff on his desk, “Morning?” Dan shakes his head, “Sorry but this office was a mess yesterday and now it looks spotless?”

The man laughs and smiles, “Oh that’s because we were all trying to get the manuscript in for a major graphic novel and we were running behind on sleep. I hadn’t slept for three days. But that’s all over with now so we have time to clean up.”

“How did you live?” Dan asks, his voice high-pitched with seriousness.

The man shrugged, “Technically didn’t. Probably did die a few times. But I couldn’t afford to die for real because I had to finish the manuscript.”

Dan looked at him incredulously, “You’re being serious?”

The man just laughs, “Did we properly meet at all yesterday?” He puts his hand out, “I’m Mitch.”

Dan shakes his hand, “I’m pretty sure we did but you were passed out, so you probably don’t remember. I’m Dan.”

“Did Phil tell you some of the stuff you should know?”

Dan nods his head but asks Mitch to tell him some tips anyway and as he sits at his desk with a smile on his face, he feels like maybe this won’t be so bad afterall.


	2. Chapter 2

The tube ride to work always feels different now that Dan has a longer travel to get there. The building is on the other side of London and while the tube ride is only 5 minutes longer, it feels like an eternity. Especially when Dan is exhausted and can barely keep his eyes open.

When the tube doors open, Dan walks out along with everyone else and he shuffles his feet on the pavement down the street until he comes to the automatic glass doors. The doors part for him and he walks inside to the greeting of the secretaries at the desk on the other side.

He goes to the elevator and pushes the button for 3 and just as he does so, a hand stops the doors from shutting and a disheveled Phil rushes onto the elevator. There is a silence between them as the elevator clicks on each floor and as they get out on the third floor, Phil finally turns to him and says, “You’re here early?”

Dan looks down at the watch on his wrist, not accounting for the time the entire morning and grimaces because he is actually really early. He should still be in bed but the boughts of exhaustion are just not being his friend right now.

“Wanted to get here to work on my manuscript,” Dan lies. He actually is here because he wanted to catch up on more graphic novel edits but he wasn’t going to admit to Phil that he was doing more work that was taking away from his actual work.

Phil just nods and Dan notices that he’s holding a thermos of coffee in his hand and he takes it up to his mouth and takes a sip. They walk to their work stations and Dan no longer takes a seat at his desk when he hears a loud groan come from Phil.

“Are you fucking serious!” He exclaims, slamming a pile of paper onto his desk. “My author still doesn’t have their manuscript done yet! I needed it three days ago. This is getting to be bullshit.”

Dan doesn’t think he’s ever heard Phil be so angry before and it catches him off guard as he listens to the string of curses that are exiting his mouth as he rifles through all of the papers on his desk until he finds whatever he is looking for.

“They’re in Victoria,” Phil says. “I have to go pay them a visit at their office.”

“Can you do that?” Dan asks, turning in his chair and facing Phil who is currently stuffing that same pack of paper into his messenger bag.

“Of course!” Phil says, “I’m their editor and I need their manuscript. I can’t wait any longer.”

Dan watches Phil pick up his coffee again, grab his messenger bag and hike it up on his shoulder, and then pull out his cell phone from his pocket and dial a number. He holds it up to his ear and than looks at Dan and says, “Come on. You’re coming with me to see how we do it here at Sapphire.”

Dan doesn’t want to go anywhere. He wants to stay at the office and get some of his work done but it doesn’t look like he’s going to get much of a choice in this say. Plus, it will be good experience for him to see what it’s like to deal with an author that keeps missing deadlines.

They walk back together to the elevator where Dan follows Phil as they head back down to the lobby. He’s speaking on the phone with someone--well, more like arguing. He’s raising his voice slightly and making his point clear and Dan hear’s him say something about noon tomorrow before the elevator doors open and Phil steps out and shuts his phone off, sliding it into his pocket.

Phil has a taxi called for them by the secretary and he pulls out the paper from his bag to give the taxi driver for directions. Before long, they’re on their way back onto the busy London streets as Phil stares down at the paperwork in his lap and Dan stares out the window wondering what he has gotten himself into.

The office is nice, when they get there. It’s clean and well taken care of and it’s nothing like the Sapphire Publishing office in anyway. This is much nicer. They meet the author at the front door and it’s clear already how in shambles she is.

She looks tired, clear bags under her eyes. It was obvious that she was struggling, but Phil was stilling reprimanding her anyway. He was telling her that she missed her deadline and and that they needed the final manuscript by 5pm that night. She looked like she was going to cry when Phil said that.

They followed her to her office space where it was here and another person sitting at desk, vigorously working on finishing the product, “Can you get it done?” Phil asks. “Your work is our next featured publication and we can’t wait any longer.”

The woman nodded her head and immediately went to work at her desk. Dan thought that this had to be the end of it. The women agreed to finish her work so they should be done and able to go back to the office.

But instead, Phil pulls up a seat at an empty desk and motions for Dan to sit across from him and he pulls out the rest of what looks like a heavily corrected unfinished manuscript...upon closer inspection, Dan realized it was this authors.

As this author finished the manuscript, and worked on it tirelessly, Phil worked on fixing what he did have to the best of his ability. Dan didn’t bring anything with him, so he sat in awkward silence as he waited for any progress to be made from either of them.

It was a half an hour later when the author looked at Phil and said, “I don’t think I can finish this by the time you want it.”

Her voice was laced with sadness and Phil’s nostrils flared a bit.

“You’re our featured author,” Phil presses. “We have no one else who can fill your spot.”

She shook her head, “I can’t realistically get this done and feel happy with it.” She says. “Not in the time frame that you’ve given me. I can’t do it.”

Phil stands up and walks over to her desk, looking over her shoulder, “How much more do you have left to do?”

“About 5 pages,” She answers.

In literature, 5 pages wouldn’t be entirely all that bad to try and finish. But for graphic novels, which are filled with illustrations and thought bubbles to progress the action, Dan can imagine how much pressure and work that actually has got to be.

“How did you let yourself get so far behind?” Phil asks, furrowing his brows. “You’ve never missed a deadline before.”

She shrugged and then said, “I lost a lot of confidence in this work when I got stuck with writers block about a week ago. I didn’t know what direction to go with and I didn’t know what to do for a while. It held me up.”

Phil’s face softened and Dan’s heart began to race as he watched their interaction, “You could have called me,” Phil says. “That’s what I’m here for.”

She nods and Dan can see that her eyes are glossed over, brimming with tears and Dan sighs. He feels terrible, a secondary sadness and guilt that he can feel her radiating from where he’s sitting. He knows how tough it must be to be in that situation. He frankly can’t even imagine the pressure.

“Well,” Phil says, “We don’t actually need the manuscript until tomorrow at noon. I was able to get an extension from the printer.”

It suddenly hits Dan that that was who Phil was talking to on the phone earlier. He may have came off harsh to the author but he was also kind enough to call beforehand and get an extension anyway regardless.

She looked relieved and Phil flashed her a smile before he pat her back in a supportive way and then walked over to the desk and sat back down, working a bit more on the corrections in front of him.

They stayed at the office with the author for a few hours. Dan observed the entire time what was going on and what it was like and by the time that they left, the author had actually finished and given Phil the rest of the manuscript for him to correct and fix before going to the printer the next day.

They caught a taxi back to the office and by the time they walked through the door, Dan was even more exhausted than when he left. Today had been so busy and had already had so much going on that he felt like he needed a break. But yet he also had so much he had to do yet for the manuscript he was given.

He found himself sitting in the lounge, his head in his hands and his body trying so hard to relax. He had an unopened can of coke on the table in front of him and a mound of paperwork to do. He knows he should be working, but he can’t shake off what happened this morning.

Dan had heard a bit about Phil from the week that he’d been in the office so far. He knew that Phil was extremely good at what he does. He was the person who came into the Sapphire branch and brought back the editing department from the ground up. He had done it by his own ommission and his own rules and while some of the editors appeased them, they did respect him for what he was able to do.

As if right on cue, the door to the lounge opened and Phil walked in, carrying a small cup of coffee in his hand with a stirrer sticking out of the hole on the top. He walked over to the couch Dan was sitting on and took a seat beside him, handing him the coffee, “We had a busy morning so I think you deserve this.”

Dan took the coffee from him with a chuckle, “I like my coffee black.”

Phil laughed, “Well, you can deal with three packets of sugar and some cream in it today.”

Dan laughs again and takes a sip, wincing at how sweet it was but it actually tasted pretty good, helping his exhaustion feel not so bad with the warmth that flooded his veins.

“Do you have to do that often?” Dan asks. “Go to authors and get manuscripts from them.”

Phil shrugs, “It depends. Most authors are going to miss their deadlines and really, we expect it. But when the printer needs their graphic novel ready to go, it can be difficult to negotiate with them.”

“Like you did this morning?”

Phil smirks, “I’ve been here for 4 years now. The printer is practically wrapped around my finger.”

“I’m sure that comes in handy then,” Dan teases and Phil nods.

“You’ll get to that one point too eventually.”

They sit in silence and Dan sips his coffee slowly as Phil gets up and gets a coke from the vending machine. He opens the can and sips on it slowly before he turns to Dan and says, “I know you from somewhere.”

Dan furrows his brows and shake his head because Phil must be mistaken. Dan hasn’t ever seen Phil prior to being hired here.

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall knowing you?” Dan says, his voice nervous and a bit shaky.

“You really don’t remember me?” Phil asks. “I mean, I figured maybe you didn’t when you didn’t recognize me when you first were hired but...I recognize you.”

Dan shakes his head again, “I really don’t think we have met. Maybe we just passed by each other on the street and that’s where you know me from?”

Phil gets up from the couch with a shake of his head and lets out a sigh. He walks over to the door of the lounge and slowly opens it, “My name used to be Phil Peterson, but it legally got changed after my parents divorced.”

The door shut behind Phil and Dan sat on the couch, his mouth agape, jaw fallen open as he struggles to control his breathing.

_No. There is no way._

Phil Peterson was Dan’s first love as a teenager. He was the one who broke Dan’s heart.

Dan suddenly wanted answers. He stood up from the couch quickly, kicking the coffee table with the toe of his shoe in the process, spilling the remnants of the coffee in his cup onto the wooden surface.

He raced out of the lounge and followed Phil to where he was putting on his coat and going to the elevator. Dan reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him, “That’s impossible! You can’t be him.”

Phil shook his head, “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“But it’s not possible.”

“It is!” Phil argues. He lets out a loud sigh and looks at Dan. “It must have been nice for you forget about me,” He says softly. “Because I’ve never forgotten about you.”

The elevator doors open and he steps on.

Dan doesn’t have the heart to stop the doors from closing so he lets them shut with a clang and he stands there, watching the numbers on the elevator counting down to the 1.

* * *

Dan’s mind raced for the rest of the afternoon. He struggled to concentrate on his work and he found himself making more mistakes than actually fixing any. By 4pm, he figured he wasn’t making any progress and he threw his stuff into his bag and walked out, bidding his coworkers a good night.

On the way back to his flat, he stopped at Sainsbury’s and picks himself up a quick meal. He had no food in his flat at the moment, too busy for work to actually finish moving into his new flat.

He’s technically had the keys for it for three weeks, but he moved into it just a week ago, the same day he started his new job. Because apparently Dan has no recollection of time and how to manage it.

So now he’s stuck with a virtually empty flat with boxes thrown everywhere and a bed that consisted of a wooden frame with a cheap mattress, a thin sheet and pillow. He needs to sit down one day and get everything straightened out but he doesn’t have the mental ability to do that at the moment.

He takes the tube back and he hops out at his station and walks the short walk to his building and he walks inside with a slight drag to his step. He can’t wait to get inside and collapse on his sad excuse for a bed and sleep.

Dan takes the elevator up and as he’s getting off, he notices a familiar back to him at the flat next to his. He shakes his head because surely he’s imagining it but as he gets closer, the man turns to him and Dan groans.

“We’re neighbors,” Phil said with a smirk. “Didn’t realize that. How long have you been living here? We can travel to and from work together.”

“I’ve only been here for a week,” Dan says, fishing out his keys and pushing them into the door to unlock it.

“If you ever want to come over and have dinner or anything,” Phil says, “let me know.”

Dan just nods and opens the door and rushes inside, shutting the door behind him.

He sinks to his butt on the wooden floor and lets out an incredulous laugh because life is really testing his right now.

How are the odds that after ten years of forgetting who Phil was and what he looks like, he’s suddenly living next to him and also working under him.

There is no way fate works like this. _There is no way._


	3. Chapter 3

Dan was never the most exuberant student when it came to anything school related. He was average in most respects. He got passing grades on everything he did and he was okay with just staying average because he knew that he had a job lined up anyway at the end of his education.

But that still didn’t deter from the fact that Dan loved books and he loved reading. And anytime he wasn’t expected in a classroom, he was sitting in the library with a stack of books on the table waiting to be opened.

He was only 14 when he first noticed him, sitting at the table just across from Dan. He was busy with his nose tipped into a book and a look of determination reading across his blue eyes. Dan stopped in his tracks when he saw him, not knowing who he was but suddenly wanting to know everything about him.

But they never meet. Not right away.

It’s a year later when they finally do. Dan’s short for his age, not having fully grown into his growth spurt that’ll kick in within the next year or two. He’s standing on his tip toes, trying desperately to reach the copy of Catcher in the Rye on the top shelf of the stack. He knew that he wanted to read the book after hearing so much about it and he was getting annoyed that they put the book too damn high for him.

A hand suddenly reaches over his own and grabs the book with perfect ease and hands it to him. Dan turns his head and a blush furiously overtakes his cheeks as he sees him. The guy who he’s been crushing on for over a year.

This is the first time that they’ve ever interacted and there is something about him that makes Dan feel speechless and short of breath. He can’t believe that something as simple as him reaching up and grabbing a book for him could spark such feelings.

They don’t speak, not even for Dan to say thank you or for him to say you’re welcome. He just nods his head at Dan and walks past just in time for Dan to turn around and see him standing at the book drop off. He puts a few books on the desk and leaves them behind, heading to one of the tables.

Dan looks around the stack, curious because he wants to know what types of books this boy is reading. He wants to know everything he possibly can about him.

He walks out of the stacks and heads to the desk and picks up the books and opens the inside cover.

Phil Peterson.

So this “him” has a name and it’s Phil. Dan looks at Phil and smiles to himself as he signs out the same books and packs them in his bag.

***

Dan doesn’t ever talk to Phil between the time of their first meeting and the present: three years later. He watches Phil from afar, and he’s aware that as much of a stalker as that makes him sound, he swears on his heart that he is not. He’s just a poor boy who is in love with another boy and has yet to grasp the concept that this isn’t taboo.

Being in love with someone of the same sex isn’t something to be ashamed of.

He spends most of his free time bouncing between being at the library and being home where he reads all the books that his father gives him that his company has published. He has a whole bookshelf at his house that he keeps them on.

But one day at the library, he really wants to read a new book that the library just got in and put into the system and it’s a book by Stephen King, which Dan wasn’t expecting the school library to actually get. He had read the reviews online and he thought the plot sounded really good so he was really excited when he saw it on the card that told him it was new.

Dan circled the shelves until he came to the K’s and then he looked up and down and sighed when he saw the book on the highest shelf. Of course it was, and of course he still hadn’t hit a damn growth spurt yet and he had to stand up on his tip toes to reach it.

He tried to balance as he reached up for the book but as soon as his hand reached up, another hand went up too and they brushed as Dan gasped and rocked backward. He turned his head to see Phil stood there, his hair hanging over his eyes slightly as he grabbed the book from the shelf and gave it to Dan.

“Thanks, Phil.”

Dan’s mouth says it before he can fully comprehend what he just said. Phil turns his head to him and cocks his brows, “How do you know my name?” He asks. “I don’t think I’ve ever talked to you before.”

Dan’s blushes furiously as he tries to gather his thoughts.

“Oh...um...we had a class together, one time,” Dan says as his mouth just spews out whatever excuse he can figure out to make himself not look like a creep.

Phil nods slowly and then smiles back at him, “Do you like Stephen King?”

He points down at the new Doctor Sleep book that is poised in Dan’s hand and Dan follows his finger as he makes eye contact with the eyes on the cover and then jolts up and nods his head, “I really like Stephen King! I think he makes really good horror novels.”

Phil smiles wider at him, "What one is your favorite by him?" He asks. "I really like IT but there will always be a special place in my heart for The Shining."

"I've never read IT or The Shining," Dan answers truthfully, spinning the book in his hand. "But I have read Kujo and Misery and I really liked those so I thought maybe I would like this one too."

Phil turns from him for a moment and Dan worries that maybe he said something to upset him. But then he notices Phil is looking over all of the books on the shelf and he makes a defeated sigh when he gets to the end of the line of Stephen King books.

"It's a shame that they don't have either of those books here," Phil says. "I would love to hear your thoughts on them."

"Oh, yeah," Dan finds himself muttering.

"Do you have any plans after school today?" Phil asks, "I have an entire collection of Stephen King books that you could borrow and check out."

A blush rises in Dan's cheeks and he shakes his head, "No, I don't have any plans."

"Oh, awesome!" Phil smiles, "Meet me outside the front door after school and I can walk you back to my place."

Dan nods and Phil walks away. Dan holds the book closer to his chest and squeezes it with his arms as he smiles wildly and lets out an incredulous laugh at how he just made a new friend with the kid that he likes all over an author of a book.

***

Dan was feeling stiff as he walked to Phil's house beside him. He felt awkward, not sure what to do because he wasn't all that acquainted to going to peoples houses. Most of the time, he didn't get invited.

Phil tells him little things along the way, telling him about the different houses in his neighborhood to where his dog ran away when he was young. Dan took in everything that Phil was saying and eventually they ended up at the front of Phil's house as Phil was fishing the key out of his coat pocket.

"My parents aren't really ever home," Phil says with a tinge of sadness in his voice. "So it's kind of like I live alone."

"Oh?" Dan says, "For work?"

Phil stiffens for a second and shrugs, "Something like that."

Dan feels like he shouldn't have said anything but the natural need to be curious won out and now he feels a bit like a dick. He shouldn't be asking anything about the private life of someone else.

"I can go get us some drinks," Phil says. "My bedroom is right upstairs if you want to check out the books. They should be on the little shelf next to my bed."

Dan nods and walks to the stairs where he heads up them and goes into the room that he assumes is Phil's. He looks around and sees all of the books and notebooks thrown everywhere onto the floor. It actually looks a bit homey. Not like his bedroom back home where his parents force him to keep everything neat and tidy.

"Do you like tea?" Phil asks. "This one says that it's a green tea on the packaging."

Dan turns his head and sees Phil offering him a mug and he takes it with a smile on his lips. He brings it up to his lips and takes a sip, "It's good."

Phil sets his cup on the table next to his bed and Dan follows suit, not sure what he should actually be doing. He doesn't exactly know the etiquette of what he should do as a guest inside someone else's home when he's not at some fancy party with his parents.

"If you want to look down here," Phil says, bending down and pulling out a stack of books, "The Shining and IT should be here but if they're not, I can find them for you. I'm sure that they're here somewhere in my room."

Dan just smiled and picked up the books and set them on Phil's bed, "You can sit on my bed, you know." Phil says, motioning to the wrinkled comforter on what is definitely Phil's bed.

Dan takes a seat on it and looks through all of the books as Phil watches over him. He finds both of the ones he was looking for and when he goes to hand the other books back to Phil, he sees Phil is staring down at him with intent, "Didn't we have a similar encounter over another book like a few years ago?" Phil asks.

Dan blushes and nods, "Yeah, it was over another book that I wanted to read but I was too short to reach it on the shelf."

Phil nods and laughs a bit, "That's what I thought."

There is a silence in the room for a moment until Phil finally speaks up and says, "You didn't learn my name from a class, did you?"

Dan's mouth goes dry and he feels his chest tighten as he braces himself for whatever blow he's going to get from Phil. Which, frankly, he probably does deserve it a bit because what he has been doing has been creepy. If he thinks about it, he's been watching and studying Phil for nearly three years.

"I...I got your name for the library card in the books you checked out."

Phil nods and brushes his hair out of his eyes. Phil has such nice long hair, Dan supposes. It looks like a beautiful hair that you can run your hands through and Dan desperately wants to do that right now, "Do you like me, Dan?"

Dan meets his eyes and stutters because if he answers truthfully, he might get punched or get decked or worse and his stomach is suddenly fluttering harder and he feels like it's getting harder to breathe.

"It's okay if you do," Phil adds on, "Because I like you too and I wouldn't mind getting to know you and maybe even eventually date you."

Dan opens and closes his mouth and Phil just smiles as he suddenly leans forward and is brushing his lips to Dan's. Dan gasps and tries to return the kiss but he doesn't know how. He's never kissed anyone before, let alone another boy.

"Don't close your lips so tightly," Phil chuckles. "Makes it stiff."

Dan nods and tries his best to follow what Phil says as he leans down again and kisses him once more as Phil lowers him to the bed.

The bed is comfortable under Dan's back, despite the ache in his hips that Phil had settled between just moments before. He's not sure if he did anything correctly, or if Phil himself knew what he was doing.

It hurt, more than anything but he tried to drive those thoughts out of his head as he let his body climb in pleasure. But it wasn't until Phil cried out his name and kissed his neck before collapsing on his side next to Dan when Dan got emotional. As Phil slept beside him, his arm thrown over Dan's chest, Dan let a few tears slide out.

Sleep didn't come easy.

***

"You're not using the correct formulas."

Dan looks up and over his shoulder at Phil who is sat next to him in the library. Phil was helping him with his math homework which Dan knew he was shit at. But he literally didn't know any of the correct formulas to use and it was showing as Phil kept correcting him.

"You're just kind of solving these and praying for the best," Phil says with a chuckle.

Dan erases all of his work and puts a small tear into the paper as he lets out a sigh of frustration. He pushes his chair back and stands up, walking away from the table, "I'm going to go get a math book."

Phil leans back in his chair and drums the tips of his fingers on the wooden table top.

Dan feels like this shouldn't be awkward but yet it is because he doesn't know how to react around Phil. He had just done all of that with Phil two days ago and this was the first time that they've spoken since.

Dan had left the next morning in such a haste to get back to his house before his parents noticed that he didn't even grab any of the books he intended to read. He just grabbed his clothing and his bag and he ran out of the door and walked across town.

But now, Phil was helping him after seeing Dan struggling with his math homework in the library so he feels like the conversation about what happened between them is inevitable. And maybe that’s why he’s hiding in the math textbook section of the library that he’s never ventured to before.

In the distance, he can hear other people talking, having normal conversations with each other, and he almost wishes he wasn’t socially challenged and could just talk to Phil, ask him what they are. He just wants to know if he should let his hopes bubble up in his heart that Phil is more than just a one time thing for him.

He really likes Phil...a lot. And he gave him such an intimate part of himself.

“You don’t need a textbook for this,” Phil’s voice scares him and Dan jumps back from the shelf. “Why are you avoiding me?”

Dan’s cheeks heat up and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, “I’m not trying to.”

“But you haven’t spoken to me since you left my house,” Phil counters. “If you didn’t want to actually talk to me, you could at least tell me that.”

“That’s not the case,” Dan says. “I just...what did Tuesday night mean to you?”

Phil furrowed his brows, “It meant the same to me as it did for you.”

Dan didn’t know what that entirely meant but it still made his heart race all of the same.

“Do you want to come back over to my house again after school?” Phil asks, cutting through Dan’s thoughts. “We can talk more there than we can here, especially with the library closing soon.”

Dan turned his head outside of the stacks and noticed the setting sun just beyond the curtains of the window. Yeah, it was getting late. He should probably tell his parents where he is going to be...fuck, he would need to tell his parents again that he wasn’t coming home tonight.

Because he is going to be spending the night at Phil’s again right?

Suddenly, he doesn’t know and everything feels overwhelming as his chest contracts again.

“Okay,” He eventually says.

Phil smiles at him and walks out of the stacks, back to the table where Dan’s empty math homework laid open. As Phil sat down at the table, it was like a beam of setting sun came through the window and projected onto his skin and just like that, Dan knew:

_He was in love._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New posting schedule! Fic will go live at 12pm EST on Tuesday's and Saturday's at 1pmEST! Ao3 posting always goes live an hour earlier! 
> 
> Also, keep forgetting to mention but thanks to my lovely beta phanandpenguins on tumblr who has been doing a great job of going through and editing this fic for me!

Phil is having a heated argument with someone when Dan arrives to the office on Thursday morning. There is tension in the air and Dan feels like everyone is too hyper focused on the argument that is taking place to focus on their own work. Dan had never seen the guy before, but he stands tall and broad over Phil as he hovers above the desk. He looks mean, and definitely like someone Dan should avoid so he makes a mental note of it. 

“We sold out of the Marmon book in the first day,” The man says. “What kind of a rookie mistake is that, Phil?” 

“It’s not my rookie mistake!” Phil shouted back. “It was your superior who wouldn’t allow for us to print more than 5,000 copies when I requested 7,500.” 

“Don’t start blaming it on…” 

Dan stopped listening because the arguing did nothing but make the anxiety in his chest weigh heavier and heavier. He opened his laptop and loaded up the manuscript that he had been working on for his author and pulled up some of the edits he had made. He was beginning to scroll to where he had bookmarked to look at next but the arguing grew louder and he got more and more distracted. 

He turned his head and saw Mitch was working unphased next to him, scribbling some red marks onto a printed storyboard, “Hey, Mitch?” Dan asks and Mitch turns his head, “So I can’t help but listen to that fight and I guess I’m confused why it’s a bad thing that Phil’s author’s book sold out so fast? Isn’t it a good thing that you’re making sales? ” 

Mitch furrowed his brows and then perked up and opened his mouth, “Yes and no, really. It’s a bit more complicated than that.” 

“How so?” Dan asks, genuinely curious. 

“Well, if a book sells out the same day that it comes out, then that’s not good for the author’s sales because it’ll take another week or two for us to do another printing by the time the printer gets around to it. By that point the book will have sadly been forgotten by most people. So it’s better to have just enough copies and do a second printing than to sell out and have to wait with nothing out there to be sold.” 

Dan nods his head because that does make a lot of sense, “So is the man Phil is arguing with in charge of that process then?” 

“Yes!” Mitch answers with a smile. 

“So...who is he?” 

“Oh! That’s…” 

“Me.” 

Dan stiffens and turns his head to come face to face with the man he had just sworn he would avoid. His dark hair is sticking straight up in places and his eyes are so dark they’re like black holes. Dan instantly feels more intimidated than before. 

“Damien” He says, adding on before Dan can catch his bearings. “I’m the head of the sales department here at Onyx. I take care of how many copies your book gets.” 

Dan just stiffens further and forces out a smile before Damien turns on his heels and walks away, leaving a trail of overconfidence in his way that left Dan feeling more uneasy. Dan turns to Mitch, his mouth agape, “Is...is he always like that?” 

Mitch shrugs, “Actually no. He can be tough when he wants to be but honestly, he’s also nice. Just probably have to get to know him. I’m sure he was on edge from his conversation with Phil.” 

Dan nods and agrees because _sure, that’s honestly probably it_. So Dan turns back in his seat and goes back to working on his manuscript again. 

He gets through quite a bit of it before his hands start to cramp and his stomach starts to rumble. When he stands up from his desk, he takes a second to look over towards Phil’s desk but he notices Phil isn’t there, _which being honest is a bit unusual_ , Dan thinks. He makes his way into the breakroom and stuffs some money into a vending machine to get a lousy cup of noodles for his lunch. 

Dan takes the container of noodles and opens the top and pours some of the hot water from the coffee maker into it. He lays the lid back closed and sits and waits for his noodles to start working their magic to give him a hint of satisfaction for his hunger. He knows he hasn’t been eating properly but he genuinely doesn’t have the time to make himself something else besides quick food. 

People from the floor come and go as they please which leaves Dan sitting all alone at the table with no one to talk to but he’s not entirely upset about that either. He’s been so busy lately that having this short break was actually a bit of a reprieve. 

His noodles become finished far too quick and he pushes a couple pound coins in the vending machine for a candy bar and begins to nibble on that just as he leaves the break room. He goes to his desk and takes a seat, looking to Phil’s desk on instinct and for some reason, Dan feels a little bit calmer seeing Phil now sat behind his mounds of papers, running his hands through his hair. 

* * *

Dan decides to leave the office as soon as he sends the manuscript with corrections back to his author. He emails her the corrections and then prints out a copy for himself to take home and look over one more time. His deadline is rapidly approaching and he wants his first time being an editor for this author to go as smoothly as possible. 

Dan’s exhausted, and as he walks off from the elevator, he feels like the weight of the world is on his body, holding him down and barely keeping him upright. He needs some proper food and maybe a few drinks. Probably also some water. _Has he even drank water in the last week?_ He doesn’t remember which probably says a lot more than it should. 

He shuffles his feet as he walks and he rounds the corner to the exit when he sees Phil and Damien talking next to the doorway. Damien is enjoying a cigarette and Phil is stood with his arms crossed. Dan steps back and hides behind the corner because he doesn’t want to intrude. 

_Are they arguing? Is something else happening between them?_ Dan feels uneasy all over again and his stomach starts to hurt at the thought. But he wants to get home, and in order to leave, he has to pass them which means he’s going to have to walk by them and deal with whatever they are saying. 

He turns the corner and begins to walk past them when he sees Phil start to laugh, throwing his head back and Damien laughing along with him, cigarette smoke funneling from his lips. He puts out his cigarette and looks at Phil and just as Dan is trying to walk by, he hears, “ _Are you up for that drink?”_

Dan is suddenly confused. So Phil and Damien were friends? But why were they screaming at each other earlier. It had to be just work things, right? 

“Oh Dan!” 

Dan stops in his tracks at Phil’s voice calling after him. 

Dan turns around and faces Phil who is zipping his jacket up a bit further on his neck, “Damien and I are on our way to the bar for a few drinks if you want to join?” 

Dan shakes his head and declines, “No, I just want to get home and get some rest.” 

Before Phil can say anything, Dan just nods goodbye and hikes the hood up on his jacket and leaves the building into the bitter cold of December evenings. He puts his hands into his pockets and walks half of his commute, only taking the tube when he physically couldn’t stand the cold on his cheeks anymore. 

His apartment is chillier than he would care to admit so he turns the heat on a bit higher when he passes through the front door. His stomach is rumbling so he goes to his refrigerator and opens it up to see nothing but wilted greens and spoiled food. He shuts the door and lets out a sigh. 

He could order out, but that would require spending more money and he doesn’t have a lot of that at the moment. He ends up not finding any food suitable for eating and he flops himself down on his couch, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before he has to go to his miserable bed. 

Dan’s eyes are just starting to close when his phone begins to buzz in his pocket and he pulls it out to see an email from his author. 

**Re: Finished Manuscript Edits**

**_Hi Dan,_ **

**_Just finished looking over your edits and I’ve made some adjustments accordingly. Please let me know what you think. I would love more feedback._ **

**_Best,_ **

**_Veronica “Roni” Tully_ **

Dan sits up straighter on the couch and immediately lunges for his bag at the end of the cushion. He opens it up and grabs his laptop and boots up his email. He loads her edits and her storyboard and sees that she has made a lot more corrections and so he hits print on the document and hears the printer in the corner whirl to life. 

He throws his laptop to the side and sets down on the floor with the manuscript sprawled in front of him on his coffee table. He grabs his red pen out of his bag that he’s learnt he needs to carry with him at all times and uncaps it and begins to get to work. 

He tries to work diligently, taking into consideration everything he’s learnt from his few short weeks of being a graphic novel editor. But he soon can feel like he’s not doing something right and it takes away any of his ability to finish the rest of the manuscript. 

As much as he doesn’t want to, he knows he needs to get ahold of Phil somehow. He has Phil’s number from their brief exchanges at work but he doesn’t want to text him, especially when Phil just said he and Damien were going out for drinks. 

Dan will need to email him the manuscript. He quickly grabs for his laptop again and loads his email and attaches the file and sends it to Phil with the note reading that he would like Phil to look over the manuscript and help him a bit in making corrections. He no longer hits send when his phone vibrates and he looks down to see a message on his screen. 

_Phil: I’m right next door. Bring me your corrections_

Dan feels mortified. He can’t just go next door and bring Phil the corrections because now he feels like a moron for emailing him them to begin with! He sits chewing at his nails until a knock appears on his door and it startles him. He gets up and rushes over to it, opening it. 

“I’m right next door,” Phil repeats as soon as the door opens. “You literally just have to walk two steps.” 

“I...I…” 

“Where are _your_ corrections?” Phil asks, extending his hand. “I’ll look over _your_ corrections but I’m not going to do them for you.” 

Dan’s cheeks heat up and he blushed as he turned on his heels and rushed back to grabs his corrections from the coffee table and hands them to Phil. Phil shuffles through them and then stills, “Come over to my apartment.” 

Dan furrows his brows, “Why?” 

“Just...come with me and we’ll look over the corrections together,” Phil says, stepping backwards and not allowing Dan to say otherwise. 

Dan swallows and follows him out of the door to his apartment. Phil pushes the door open and they step inside. Dan looks at the surroundings around him and is actually impressed by how nice everything looks. Everything looks so precise to him…. so not Phil. 

“So first off,” Phil says as he sits down at his kitchen table, “tell me why you made the corrections that you did.” Phil flips through the pages a bit more and then stops and shoves a page at him. “Especially the ones on this page.” 

Dan looks down and sees that this is the page where he made the most corrections, but that’s basically because he found this part a bit boring compared to the rest of the story. He stutters for a moment and then finally says exactly that, “I thought this part was boring.” 

“Why?” Phil quizzed. 

“Because it didn’t go with the rest of her story. The pictures don’t do anything for the rest of the novel.” 

“So why did you suggest these specific corrections?” Phil pressed. 

Dan stuttered a bit but he failed to answer right away and Phil noticed. He picked up a red marker and uncapped it with his teeth, blowing the cover onto the floor as he marked for two different panels to be switched around, “This is all you needed to do,” Phil says. “The rest of the corrections don’t actually enhance the storyboard like you just explained to me.” 

“But I thought…” 

“Dan, you can’t do these corrections half-assed.” 

“I’m not doing them half-assed!” Dan countered. “I did exactly what I remember you teaching me to do!” 

Phil shook his head, “You’re doing too much.” 

Dan feels like his head is spinning. So is he _half-assing_ his work or _doing too much_? 

“I…” 

“Here,” Phil says, shuffling through the pages again, “Let’s go through each page together.” 

Dan nods his head, feeling even more mortified than before and let Phil flip through each page correcting and fixing more. 

By the time they were done, the storyboard had much more red on it than before and many corrections crossed out and redone. He looks down at it and feels like his heart is sinking out of his chest because he feels like he’s just completely shit on his authors work. 

But the truth is that his author’s work is fantastic and that’s why they need these corrections to push them past fantastic to amazing. Every author wants to be a best seller but this is the only way to do so. 

Dan gathers the papers and puts them into a pile and stands up from Phil’s kitchen chair, “Thank you.” 

Phil looks up at him and nods, “You’re welcome.” 

He starts to walk to the door but is stopped when Phil’s voice cuts through his head, “We still haven’t talked about us, ya know.” 

Dan feels the color drain from his face and he swallows down the knot in his throat, “There isn’t anything to discuss.” 

“So you’re not even gonna talk about how we used to love each other?” Phil asks, standing up from his chair. “You’re going to just ignore that…” 

“You broke up with _me,”_ Dan says, turning around to face Phil, “You’re the one who broke my heart.” 

“Oh is that how you remember it?” Phil asks, his voice rising in volume. “You’re remembering that _I_ broke up with _you_.” 

“Because that’s what happened!” 

“Dan,” Phil shook his head, “You’re the one who literally slapped me across the face and then ran out of my house. I never heard from you after that.” 

“I…” 

“I know you don’t remember it,” Phil says, his voice going tense, “But maybe it would be nice if you tried.” 

Phil all but pushes him out before Dan can get an answer and he stands on the other side of Phil’s door with the storyboard hugged to his chest and tears coming up to his eyes. 

Dan had spent years trying to repress the memories of Phil and what had happened, and there was no way in hell he was going to let himself remember them all over again. 

Even if it cuts deep inside his core. 

Just as he turns to go to his apartment, he hears footsteps coming down the hallway and he turns his head just in time to see Damien walking towards them, and Dan momentarily forgets how to breathe. He grabs the door handle for his apartment and jumps inside, shutting the door just in time to hear the knocking of Damien’s hand on Phil’s door. 


	5. Chapter 5

_The wind billows against the window of the library as the rain hits harder and harder. It’s coming down hard outside, and that freaks Dan out a bit, knowing he has to walk home in it. He doesn’t even think he brought an umbrella._

_He looks down at his forgotten English homework on the table in front of him and looks between the window and the male sitting in front of him. His eyes are blue as ever, his lips curled into a soft smile, and his black hair falling over his forehead._

_But yet, Dan can’t quite make out who it is. The face is unrecognizable, the features a blur. He feels his chest tighten and he lets out a loud gasp._

Dan sits up in bed, heaving loud breaths as he fists portions of his hair in his hands and wills himself to calm down. It was just a dream. A really dumb dream again about high school and about Phil. 

He hadn’t had a dream like that in so long that it almost felt more surreal. When he was living in America, studying at a private school in Long Island, he had these dreams all the time, nearly every day. He would fall asleep every night and dream of the faceless figure with the stark features. 

But now that he knows that the figure was Phil, his heart beats a little harder, a little faster, and he feels like he might have a proper panic attack. He lays back down into bed, his head hitting his thin pillow, and he looks at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 

It’s half past five in the morning. He should really try and get more sleep, but Dan also knows that he has to finish an important proposal to turn in to Phil at seven. So he throws back his comforter and turns the light on next to him. His naked torso shivers as the cool air in his apartment hits his skin and he grabs the first sweatshirt he sees on the floor and puts it on. 

Dan doesn’t even want to look at where the rest of his clothes are scattered. He knows his room is a mess. His apartment is still a mess...his entire life is a mess at this point. He feels like he doesn’t even have control over his life anymore. 

What happened to the promising young heir to the Howell Publishing Company? The kid that everyone talked about, that everyone was excited to see come into fruition? 

_Oh, yeah, he died the minute he got his heartbroken by a fuckboy in high school, that’s what happened._

Dan walked into his bathroom, relieved himself quickly and brushed his teeth, and then hopped over to the shower where he turned on the tap to nearly the hottest setting. He got inside the spray, his clothes dropped behind him in a pile on the floor, and let the searing water touch his skin. It probably wasn’t healthy, to be showering in water this hot, but yet the slight pain and ache that it gave him definitely felt worth it. 

In the end, he turned the water a bit cooler and then stood under the spray for a while, just letting the water cleanse him. 

* * *

“No.” 

Dan blinks a few times and then furrows his brows. _What do you mean no?_

“What?” He asks, genuinely confused. 

Phil hands him back the proposal form and shakes his head, “That’s not a good proposal so I’m rejecting it.” 

In the background, Dan can hear the other workers snicker about the _newbie being rejected by Phil._ Dan feels his cheeks heat up. It’s been a long time since he’s been rejected for something, let alone rejected by _Phil._ What was so wrong with the way he wrote his proposal? He wrote it the same way that the examples that Phil gave him told him to write it. 

He literally followed them step by step. 

“Why isn’t it?” Dan presses, taking the proposal form back from Phil. “You didn’t even look at it, you just skimmed it.” 

That part was true. Right before Phil had told him a firm no, Dan had seen him take the form, glance over it, and then immediately reject it. Had he even taken the time to read what Dan had actually written? 

Contrary to what Phil must be thinking right now, Dan did put a lot of effort into this. It was his first time ever doing one because at his father’s company, the sales department took care of the proposals for the books. Apparently this company was not like that. 

“Well, to start with, you’re not detailed enough,” Phil says. “Where it asks for how you plan to promote the book, you have ‘posters’. That’s not going to be detailed enough for the sales department. Are you doing a signing? Signed posters? Is the author going to do something with these posters? What about commercials? You never even mentioned commercials for it.” 

“Oh, well, I can make _that_ more detailed,” Dan countered. “That’s not going to--” 

“And!” Phil interrupts, “You’re not proving to the sales department why your specific graphic novel is worth the money that's going to be put into it. You need to convince them that they’re not going to make a mistake publishing your book. Right now, you don’t have an argument and the sales department is going to eat you alive.” 

Dan feels humiliated, like he failed a simple task. He feels like he let his author down, who has been working so hard on finishing her piece. He also feels like he failed the company, he failed Phil...he failed himself. 

“Dan…” 

Phil’s voice cuts through Dan’s head and he sees Phil staring up at him with a soft expression reading on his face, “It’s okay. Every editor here has had their first proposal rejected. It’s not as big of a deal as you probably think it is. It’ll be okay.” 

Dan feels like a child, wanting to shrug his shoulders and bellow out _it’s not going to be okay!_ But he knows he can’t do that, because that’s not reasonable. He needs to take a few deep breaths and refocus. 

“Your proposal isn’t due until the end of the day today to the sales department,” Phil continues. “Take the time today to work on it. Fix all the mistakes I told you about and then have me look over it a few more times. Really, I promise it’s going to be okay.” 

Dan nods his head and forces a smile as he turns on his heels and walks over to his desk. He pulls his laptop out of his bag and sets it on his workspace. He opens the file that he needs with his proposal in it and he begins to slowly rework it. 

Nearly two hours into the revising, he can see how much better the proposal is looking with the advice that Phil gave him. He’s coming up with actual reasons on why his authors book deserves to be marketed and sold by their company after editing it. He knows now that the sales department can’t possibly reject this version. 

He’s typing away, lost in his own little world as he finishes up the last part of the proposal when a chair is put next to him and he looks over his shoulder to see Phil sitting down. He leans his arm on the desk and looks down at Dan’s laptop. 

“Let me see what you have,” Phil says, grabbing the laptop and yanking it from under Dan’s fingers. 

“But I wasn’t finished.” 

Phil just shook his head and scrolled to the top of the file and began reading it. He fixed a few mistakes as he went, but by the end, the look on his face read as satisfied to Dan. He seriously felt so much relief from that. 

“It’s much better,” Phil says. “Finish the last part, give me a printed copy to look over once more and then we’ll bring it to sales.” 

He stands up from his chair and puts it back where he took it from and walks back over to his desk. Dan smiles to himself as he finishes the last paragraph, and then hits print in the corner. 

Dan makes his way to the printer and picks up the fresh copy of his proposal and he can already feel a much bigger weight lifted off from his shoulders. 

* * *

“Congratulations on getting your first proposal approved by the sales department!” 

Dan is putting away his belongings into his bag, ready to go home for the day. He’s actually able to leave a bit early which makes him feel really good for once. He turns to Mitch who is still sitting at his desk, working on his own manuscript for his author. 

“Oh, thank you,” Dan answers. “I didn’t realize it was that difficult to have your book be sold.” 

Mitch let out a laugh and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms up in the air, “Onyx is a tough company to please,” Mitch says. “It’s really hard to get your proposals and everything approved the first time. Even I didn’t get mine approved the first time.”

“Oh no. Really?” Dan asks, feeling genuinely sympathetic for Mitch.

Mitch shrugs, “It’s not a big deal or anything. But I also didn’t have the help of Phil either.” 

“Oh?” 

“Phil wasn’t here yet when I started working here,” Mitch says. “When I started working here, the editor in chief was a guy named Bradley. He was never organized and he was a complete prick. Hated dealing with him. When Phil was named the new editor in chief, we all thought Phil was going to be the same way. But Phil actually took our branch and turned it completely around,” Mitch says. “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but Sapphire is the leading graphic novel branch in London right now. No wonder we’re always busy with new authors and paperwork. We were always the last choice until Phil got here.” 

Dan took in Mitch’s words and felt the warm feeling deepen in his core. He doesn’t know why, but it felt really nice to learn about how Phil turned this branch around. He honestly hadn’t heard about any of that. 

“Anyway,” Mitch continues, “I’m sure you want to get home so I’ll save this convo for another time.” 

Dan just laughs and nods and finishes grabbing his stuff. He stuffs everything into his bag and puts it on his shoulder as he grabs his coat and heads out for the evening. 

It’s not as cold in London tonight as it normally is. It feels nice, the wind doesn’t burn his cheeks. He walks for a while, not quite wanting to take the tube right away as it was actually still daylight for once as when he left work. Albeit not for long, but it was nice for the time being. 

As he walks to the station, he passes by a W.H Smith and he suddenly feels like he wants to go inside and check out some of the books. Now that he works for Onyx, he definitely wants to check out what books are actually being published by the different departments of the company. 

He walks inside and takes a look around at all of the different books. He lets out a deep breath and makes his way up the stairs to where the rest of the books are and he heads to a stack of new books in the corner on the table. He picks one up and looks at the binding and laughs when he sees _Onyx Publishing_ on the bottom. 

It’s satisfying in a way to know that the company he works for is actually producing books that he can find in a bookstore. He goes to pick up another one when he hears his name called from behind him. He turns and sees a short female with brown hair and instantly he knows it’s Kelsey. 

“Kels!” Dan says, extending his arms open as Kelsey gives him a quick hug, “How are you?” 

“I’m great but how are you?” Kelsey asks. “I haven’t heard from you since you left the company.” 

Dan worked with Kelsey at his dad’s publishing company and she was the only coworker he got along with. She was nice and friendly and always willing to help him when he struggled with anything. He relied on her and he knew he was going to be sad when he left her behind to work at Onyx. 

“It’s not going too bad,” Dan admits. “I’m editing graphic novels though which I never expected.” 

Kelsey cocked her head, “Graphic novels? What?” 

“It’s a long story.” 

“Let’s go for some dinner and drinks then!” Kelsey says, “We need to catch up anyway.” 

* * *

In hindsight, Dan should have known after the first drink that things were going to go south because he hadn’t eaten anything the entire day. His body was drumming with the alcohol and he was already feeling a bit cloudy in his head. 

“What is it like working with graphic novels?” Kelsey asks, picking up the last bite of her food with her fork. “Is it easier than working with novels?” 

Dan shakes his head, “It’s hard. There are a lot of components to it.” 

“Oh really?” Kelsey asks. “They seem like they would be easier.” 

Dan nods, “I know. But they have like a complete storyboard and everything with them. You have to have the manuscript with the dialogue and the plot points and then after they submit that to you and you approve it, they do the storyboard and that gets approved and then piecing them all together is a whole different story.” 

“Sounds tough.” 

“It is.” 

Kelsey lets out a snort and then downs the rest of her mimosa. 

“What is it like working for Onyx?” Kelsey asks, suddenly. “Is it different than working for your dad?” 

Dan raises his head up a bit because his reaction is say _yes, this is 100% different_ but then as he actually thinks about the question, he realizes that maybe it isn’t? Yeah, working for his dad was a totally different area than working for someone like Phil but…

“It is,” He finally says. “It’s a lot different.” 

The door to the bar opens and a bell rings in the air and most patrons turn their heads, Dan included. At first he doesn’t see anyone, so he just dips his head back down but then Kelsey suddenly gawks, “Oh my! That’s Phil Lester!” 

Dan’s head immediately shot up and he saw Phil walking to an empty table with a woman by his side. They were laughing, looking like they were having a good time and for some reason, that really made Dan’s heart race. 

“You know him?” Dan asks. 

Kelsey nods her head, “Of course! He’s considered one of the best editors in London. He’s fantastic. I knew of him briefly when we worked together but I never spoke to him.” She turns her head towards his table. “He’s with someone. Not all that shocking. I always heard he was a bit of...you know.” 

Dan’s stomach turns a bit more but he tries to ignore it long enough to say, “He’s my editor in chief.” 

“ _He’s_ your editor in chief?” Kelsey asks, her voice higher in pitch. “Why didn’t you bring this up earlier? That’s such a big deal. What is it like to work for him? Is he tough?” 

“Phil is…” 

“Phil is what?” 

Dan whips his head around just in time to see the person in question standing behind his chair with a grin on his face. Dan’s cheeks flush and he opens his mouth to speak but Phil interrupts, “I’m being serious. What were you gonna say about me?” 

“I...I was just gonna say that you’re easy to work for,” Dan stutters. 

Phil lets out a laugh and then reaches out and gently pats Dan’s shoulder, “Keep telling yourself that,” he teases. 

He turns on his heels and walks the other way and Dan definitely now feels like he’s too sober for this. So he raises his head and calls over a waitress and order a few more drinks to take off the edge. 

Dan is proper pissed by the time he leaves the bar with Kelsey. She is too but they help each other get a taxi to their apartments. Dan says his goodbyes to her and then gets out at his stop and staggers his way inside. 

He manages to get his key out to unlock his apartment door just in time for the elevator doors to open and for Phil to step out from behind them, walking a lot straighter than Dan just was. 

“You get back okay?” Phil asks and Dan starts to laugh because to him, _that’s a dumb question. He’s at his apartment door isn’t he?_

Phil reaches out and helps Dan steady his hand long enough to get his key into the slot to turn it. Dan pushes the door open and goes to stagger inside when Phil speaks again, “Are you going to be okay being here by yourself for the night?” 

Dan turns his head and when he comes face to face with Phil, his mind instantly starts going back to Phil being with that woman earlier. To him eating dinner with her and sitting with her and laughing with her all night as Dan watched with a sick stomach from across the room. His blood begins to boil and he suddenly scoffs as he barks out, “Why do you care?” 

Phil’s eyes change and soften and then he shakes his head a bit, “What do you mean? Of course I care about you, Dan. Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Because you had that girl you were with tonight. That’s why. You can’t be after me if you’re dating someone else.” 

Phil’s mouth opens and shuts and then his brows tighten, “What on Earth...Dan, she is my author. She’s my author who I’m mentoring. She wanted to meet up to go over her storyboard corrections and since we both worked so late in the day, we decided it would be best to grab some dinner and some drinks. There is nothing else going on.” 

Dan’s cheeks flush and he tries to hide the obvious guilt he feels in his stomach from accusing Phil of being with anyone because...why is that any of his business? He doesn't like Phil...like that. Not anymore. He hasn’t in ten years so why did he suddenly feel so jealous seeing Phil with someone else? He doesn’t understand. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe he just really _doesn’t_ understand what is happening but he also doesn’t want to find out. He begins to shuffle inside his door when Phil stops him and says, “Make sure you’re sobered up by tomorrow morning. Don’t forget that you have a meeting with your proposal to go over it. It won’t look good for either of us if you stagger in late and hungover.” 

Dan doesn’t say anything else. He just nods quickly and then spits out a goodbye and rushes into his apartment, shutting the door behind him. He sinks to the floor and puts his head in his hands because _he needs to get this shit figured out._


	6. Chapter 6

Dan woke with a startle as the sound of his alarm jolted him out of a dead sleep. He didn’t even remember what he was dreaming of, just that when he woke up, he was in a dead sweat and his hair was matted to his face. 

Maybe that was a side effect of the alcohol that was raging through his blood last night or it was just his body reacting from the dream he doesn’t remember. He’s not entirely sure, all he knows is that he’s exhausted and a headache is quickly forming in his temple. 

He gets up, rushing to his bathroom where he rips the drawer in his sink open and paws through it until he finds a bottle of paracetamol. He still feels a bit tipsy, a bit unsure on his feet but he can’t let himself continue feeling this way because…

He has an important meeting this morning and if he doesn’t hurry the fuck up right now, he’s going to be late. He cannot afford to be late to this meeting because it’s the first one he’s ever been too and it’s for his book that he’s trying to push to be published for his author and…

_ Deep breaths, Dan. Deep breaths.  _

Dan takes a few deep breaths and pops the paracetamol into his mouth before cupping his hands under the faucet of the sink and then drinking the water from his palms to down the pill. He washes his hands off and runs some water through his hair, willing it to look a bit more manageable and then rushes back to his bedroom. 

He runs to his closet and grabs the first nice button down shirt he can find and puts it on. He finds a nice blazer stashed somewhere in the back and throws that on too. Next are a nice pair of pants and he should be golden. 

He grabs his bag from the living room on the way out and triple checks that his proposal is in there in case they ask for it, which Phil says that they probably will. He’s grabbing his keys and his wallet and rushing out the door just to run smack dab into another person. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Dan rushes out just as he adjusts himself enough to continue his venture to the elevator. 

“You’re late already.” 

Dan’s head cracked up just in time to see Phil standing there. He’s wearing a nice sweater and a pair of black slacks and Dan has to admit he looks really good. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“A good editor will get to the office the morning of the meeting before his superiors. Since we’re leaving at the same time, you’re going to get there the same time I do. Doesn’t look good, in all honesty.” 

“You’re yanking my leg,” Dan says, pulling down the bottom of his blazer just as Phil winks at him and they walk together to the elevator. 

Just as the doors close and Dan is thinking that Phil’s not gonna say anything more, Phil opens his mouth and says, “I’m really not though. The President of our Company doesn’t like when the editors come in later than their superiors. So when we get to Onyx, we’ll have to try and avoid him.” 

Dan’s face goes a bit pale and Phil laughs in the corner. 

* * *

“You’re going to do fine, Dan.” 

“Really?” Dan whispers back, looking at all of the important people situated at the table around them. “I have a hard time believing that.” 

“Okay everyone, time to begin!” Damien’s voice cut through the tense air in the meeting room and Dan sat back as he watched the entire thing go down. 

It started with Damien asking Phil how many copies of his book he is projecting to sell in which Phil responded with the answer 35,000. Dan didn’t know what to even make of that number because yeah, that probably wasn’t all that much but it still felt like a massive number. 

What Dan wasn’t expecting was the immediate yelling to follow from all of the departments all at once. Damien started with the sales department, saying that they weren’t going to fund a printing of 35,000 books to start out. Phil argued back and then the marketing department stepped in and began to argue as well. 

Dan watched as it went around and around the table until finally the President of the company stepped in and intervened, “We’ll start with 30,000 copies,” and that was the end of that conversation. 

And suddenly, it was Dan’s turn to talk about the sales of his book and immediately upon being asked,  _ What are your projections for your book, Mr. Howell?  _ Dan got a bad case of cotton mouth and felt like he would choke on air if he tried to open his mouth. 

“His book deserves at least 15,000 prints,” Phil says for him. “The author is solid in her work and the manuscript is fantastic. Doing anything less would be a waste of our time.” 

Damien answers first, “15,000 prints for an author we’ve never worked with before? Won’t do it.” 

“That’s completely unreasonable!” Phil argued back. “There is no reason that the book shouldn’t sell at least that amount. Have some common sense!” 

“Well, let’s ask the editor then. He hasn’t opened his mouth about it yet,” Damien snarked back, leaving Dan feeling a bit uneasy about the situation. 

“Well...I think my author could even sell 20,000 prints.” 

Dan thought that pushing for more prints would be the right thing to do but instead, everyone went up in arms and all hell broke loose and he sunk further into his chair, chewing on the end of his pen. 

In the end, they settled on 17,500 copies and the meeting ended. 

Everyone dispersed to their departments and Dan was left hanging back with Phil when he got a tap on his shoulder from a woman he’d never seen before. She was a little bit shorter than him, but she was wearing heels as well. She crossed her arms over her chest and smiled at him, “You have some talent for negotiating for your authors.” 

Dan shook his head and blushed, “I doubt that very much. I almost lost the entire sale over my ability to negotiate.” 

She stifled a laugh, “My name is Monika Vinchey and I’m the editor in chief of the literature department here at Onyx.” 

She pushed out her hand for Dan to shake it and he immediately grasped it in his own and shook it firmly. The literature department? That’s where he’s been wanting to be since he came here! He can’t believe he’s meeting someone from it. 

“I was originally a literature editor before I came here,” Dan pointed out. “At Howell Publishing.” 

She nodded her head and pursed her lips slightly before smiling again, “Prestige I see? Well, if you ever want to come back to literature, send me an email. We’d love to have someone like you on our team. Not to mention, it might be good for you to get away from the hard-ass that is Phil.” 

Monika gave him a small white business card and he looked down at it before she bid him farewell and all he could hear was the sound of her heels clicking against the hardwood floors. 

Dan pocketed the card and looked up from the floor to see Phil staring at him from just down the hall, an unrecognizable look on his face. Dan began to walk to catch up to him but Phil began to walk first and by the time Dan got to the elevators, Phil was already two floors down. 

* * *

“Do you have any plans for after work today?” Mitch asks as Dan sits at his desk, going through his next manuscript that he was assigned from Phil after the meeting. He’s been working on it slowly and it’s clear that this one is going to need a lot more extensive work that his last one didn’t need. 

“Not particularly,” Dan says. “I might go to the library and check out a few books. Haven’t been in ages and I’ve been itching a bit to get back to reading.” 

Dan hadn’t picked up a book since he became an editor. His time had been so focused on helping other people write their own that he hadn’t really had time to enjoy anything on his own. Plus with the move and everything else, it had put a bit of a damper on his ability to enjoy what he wanted to and not be nose deep in work all of the time. 

“Sounds kind of boring if you ask me,” Mitch says with a laugh. “Don’t want to hang out with any of your mates?” 

“Don’t have any,” Dan answers truthfully because he doesn’t have any. He hasn’t in a long time and the mates he does have are coworkers. 

“Oh that’s proper sad, mate.” 

Dan just shrugged and laughed it off because he’s used to it at this point in his life and having friends isn’t at the top of his priority at the moment. 

Dan finishes off the last of his page and then decides to leave work because there wasn’t much else he could do. He says goodbye to everyone and grabs his coat and leaves out the front door. 

The weather is a bit on the chillier side today so he takes the tube to the library that he wants to go to. He has no intention of actually checking out books but he wants to maybe sit down and read a few while he’s here: almost like for old times sake. 

He walks through the old wooden doors and inside to the bookshelves and tables where many other people are scattered about, reading books and working on various things on their laptops. 

He finds a table off to the side by a window and places his things down, sitting in the wooden chair and just taking in the atmosphere while he is here. He moves to get his out laptop and maybe actually do something when the chair moves in front of him and he looks up to see Phil sitting down. 

“What are you doing here?” Dan asks. 

“I had to turn in a few of my books before heading home.” 

“It almost feels like you followed me,” Dan mumbles, trying to ignore the feeling he was getting in his chest. 

Phil rolls his eyes, “I didn’t even know you were going to be here so relax. I just saw you sitting here and thought I would join you. We used to hang out together a lot at the library.” 

“That was ten years ago,” Dan says. “A lot has changed since then.” 

“Yeah, like you forgetting that I existed.” 

The way Phil says that sentence feels like an immediate stab in the gut. It cuts deep into Dan’s core and his chest aches as he spits back, “I don’t have the best memories of you so forgive me for trying to move on.” 

“That’s all fine that you were able to move on, Dan, but I was sitting here, waiting for you for over 10 years and I never knew where you even went. It wasn’t until university that I learnt you had gone to the United States right after we broke up.” 

“It was planned.” 

“No, it wasn’t,” Phil countered back. “I know it wasn’t and you sure as shit know it wasn’t too. You left to avoid me and I still don’t even know why.” 

“I’m not getting into this right now,” Dan says, standing up from the chair with haste. “I can’t deal with this bullshit right now.” 

“I’m not asking you to deal with anything! I’m asking for an answer as to why you slapped me across the face and then forgot that I existed! I spent 10 years looking for you!” 

“And you can spend 10 more looking for me too.” 

Dan grabbed his bags and rushed past Phil towards the exit. He shoved open the door with no care that someone might be behind it and he began to rush down the stairs to avoid the obvious. 

But he missed a step and suddenly he felt like his entire world was crumbling backwards because he literally was falling backwards. He shut his eyes and braced for the impact of concrete on his skull until a pair of arms embraced his torso and he wasn’t falling anymore. 

He opens his eyes and turned his head to see black hair in his vision, “What are you doing? You almost fell!” 

Dan wiggled out of Phil’s arms, ignoring the burning touch that it left on his skin in their absence. “I didn’t need you to catch me.” 

“Oh yeah? And what were you going to do instead? Fall back on your arse and crack your damn skull open? Yeah, that’s smart, Dan.” 

Dan felt his chin do that wobble it does right before he’s about to cry and he knows the tears are coming because of the combination of Phil bringing up memories and also Phil saying that to him in such a way that he felt mortified in public. He opened his mouth and spit out a quick, “Just...leave me alone!”

He rushed past everyone and hurried down the street to the nearest tube station, trying to get the hell out of there as fast as he could. 

Getting to his apartment feels like a dream. Getting to the building and getting into the elevator with no sign of Phil anywhere feels amazing. He gets out from the elevator and steps down the hallway to his door when he sees Phil’s door open. 

He watches for a moment, confused because Phil obviously isn’t home. And yet his door was opening? And then a small kitten comes running into the hallway, black and white fur perching it’s tiny frame, and Dan sees a man run after it. 

He blinks a few times, trying to make sure he’s seeing that correctly. Because that man that just ran out of Phil’s apartment is Damien, and now he’s walking back inside with the kitten on his shoulder. 


	7. Chapter 7

Meeting Monika a few days before had put doubts inside Dan’s head. Every time he stepped into the office, the business card she gave him sits perched next to his mug of coffee and he can see it. Every time he goes to get a drink, he can see her name and the words  _ literature department  _ in small print on the bottom. 

He  _ should _ transfer. 

But then the thought of transferring doesn’t seem all that appealing to him anymore and when he thinks about it in detail, his head feels like it is swimming. He’s grown so used to working with graphic novels over the last month that it’s hard for him to know whether or not he still wants to go back to editing literature. 

It’s 9:30 in the morning and Dan is already having a crisis. He shuts the top of his laptop down and sits back in his chair, rubbing his eyes with palms. His eyes hurt and a headache is quickly taking residence in his temple. He feels like the coffee is no longer strong enough to help his brain fog. 

It also doesn’t help that the past few days, all he can think about is Damien walking into Phil’s apartment with that kitten. Dan can still see it in the back of his head and he doesn’t know why it’s bothering him, but it is. 

Clearly, Damien has a key to Phil’s apartment but what about the kitten? Did they live together and Dan just never noticed? Are they friends or are they…

The second thought makes Dan’s stomach twist and knot and he shakes his head because he doesn’t like that second thought. But why? He’s not doing anything with Phil, and he has no intentions of doing anything with Phil. So why does the thought of him being with Damien put such a hindrance on his body? 

Is it because of Phil’s flirting? Phil’s insistence that they need to talk about the past. Maybe it’s the fact that deep down, when Dan turns his head and sees Phil sitting at his desk, he can vaguely feel the pouring of love into his heart. They’re the same feelings he felt ten years ago. 

Dan groans inside his head and stands up from his chair, pushing it in and walking off to get a breather. He needs to maybe go outside for a moment and take in some fresh air. Maybe it’ll help clear his thoughts and rid his headache. 

He starts walking down the hall to the elevators and before he reaches them, a hand comes up and grabs his shoulder and jerks him back. He quickly turns to see who just did that when he comes face to face with dark hair and dark eyes and he feels all color leave his face. 

“Can I talk to you privately?” 

Dan looks at Damien and frankly, he doesn’t know if he  _ should  _ go anywhere privately with Damien. The thought also scares him a bit. But Damien is technically, on a long list of hierarchy, one of his superiors so he knows he should listen if Damien asks him a question. 

“Okay.” 

Damien motions for him to follow him to an empty room just off the side of the break room and he shuts the door behind them. 

“I need to talk to you about Phil.” 

Dan cocks his head.  _ What about Phil?  _

“Excuse me?” 

“Listen, I’m not an idiot,” Damien snaps out, “I know who you are.” 

Dan stands there, bracing his palms against the table behind him as he tries to steady himself, “I seriously don't know…” 

“You have some  _ fucking  _ nerve to come here and work for Phil after what you did to him.” 

Dan’s nostrils flared and his body geared up in the fight response he’s been doing for years every time someone mentions Phil, “I didn’t do anything to Phil. He’s the one who broke up with me.” 

“I met Phil our first year at University,” Damien says, changing the subject, “and I befriended him because at the time, he needed a friend. He would tell me over and over again about the ‘boy that broke his heart’ or ‘the boy he can’t find’ or ‘the boy who got away’, and I listened to him talk about you for  _ years _ . Talk about Dan, talk about how he was going to try and find you and reconnect. But you don’t know the hell he went through trying to mend his broken heart. He turned to drinking, sleeping around, to never being able to date. And you know why that is?” 

Dan shook his head, slightly terrified. 

“Because he could never get over you. You left an indent in his brain like a drug and he couldn’t ever figure out how to shake you. You caused him nothing but stress and pain over the last ten years and I’ll be damned if I let you come in and put him through that all again.” 

“There is nothing going on between Phil and I,” Dan says, as stern as his shaking voice will allow him to be.

“So let's get something straight between you and me,” Damien said, ignoring what Dan had just said something. “Stay. Away. From. Phil.” 

Dan opened his mouth to retort when the door to the room opened and they both turned to see Phil and a set of authors behind him, waiting to come in. Phil’s face reads one of confusion and Dan is sure his reads something entirely different. 

But he doesn’t stay to allow either Damien or Phil to speak up. He pushes past them both and retreats to the bathroom where he proceeds to cry for an unspeakable amount of time. When he comes back out, Phil is sitting at his desk again, and when he looks at Dan, his face changes expression. 

Dan knows it’s because he can see how red his eyes are and the tear stains that run down his cheeks. But he ignores the looks from the other editors and finishes going through the storyboard sent by his author. 

* * *

Dan arrives back to his apartment later than he wanted to. But he stopped at Dominos and grabbed a cheap pizza so he could indulge his sadness in plastic tasting cheese and grease. He sets down the large pizza on his coffee table and is just about to fall into a heap on the floor when his doorbell rings. 

He groans, quite loudly, as he rolls his eyes and walks back over to his door. He doesn’t even look through the peephole, he just opens the door and is about to ask, “ _ what do you want?”  _ when he sees Phil stood there. 

“Oh hey! You’re home,” Phil says, “I have a question about…” 

“Listen, Phil, now isn’t a good time.” 

Phil furrows his brows but all Dan can think about is the ringing of Damien’s voice in his head over and over again.  _ Stay away from Phil. _

“Is something going on?” Phil asks. “You were upset earlier. That’s exactly what I was going to ask about. I was wondering if you’re doing okay? I know Monika talked to you after the meeting and I guess I wanted to touch base if you were going through something.” 

In the hallway, Dan sees people walking behind Phil so on a whim, he opens the door further and lets Phil inside. Phil shuffles inside and Dan shuts the door, “To answer your question,” Dan says, “I’ve had better days. But I’ve got a large pizza I’m about to eat.” 

“Are you really thinking about transferring departments?” 

The question catches Dan off guard, “You mean going to literature?” 

Phil nods. 

They walk into his apartment further and take a seat on the floor next to Dan’s pizza. Dan opens the box and grabs a piece and Phil looks at him with puppy dog eyes and Dan caves and lets him grab a slice. 

“I liked working in literature,” Dan answers finally. “It was something I really enjoyed at my fa--last publishing company.” 

“Dan, we all know that you used to work at your father's publishing company. You don’t have to try and hide that.” 

Dan rolls his eyes and continues anyway, “I really liked working in literature. It was something I felt like I was really good at. And although I only worked for my father for a year, it still felt like I gained mass amounts of experience. I even got to edit some big authors too.” 

“You’re a good editor,” Phil says between bites of pizza. “You’re really good at what you do. I’m actually really glad that you came to work for me because you are exactly the editor that I needed.” 

Dan feels a blush creep on his cheeks. He finishes his slice of pizza and goes to reach for another when Phil does too and it’s suddenly like deja vu all over again. Except this time, they’re not reaching for a book. Their hands touch and briefly, Dan can feel Phil’s fingers drum against his skin. He gasps and goes to pull his hand back but then Phil connects them and their palms are sitting on top of each other. 

Dan rips his hand away and looks up at Phil with a stunned face, “You don’t get to do that.” 

“I can’t hold your hand?” 

“No!” Dan gasps out. “We--there is nothing going on between us so no, you can’t do that.” 

“It’s just holding your hand.” 

“If you want to hold hands with someone, go hold Damien’s!” 

When the words leave Dan’s mouth, he doesn’t even realize the meaning that they hold. Phil stares at him with a clear expression of shock and as soon as Dan sees that, he knows he has  _ fucked up.  _

“There is nothing going on with Damien and I,” Phil says. “Did he say something to you? Is that why you were in the meeting room with him this morning and why you were so upset? What did he tell you, Dan?” 

Dan sat back and rested his back against his couch. He wanted to ignore the question and pretend he didn’t just bring up Damien and suddenly would have to talk about him. He wants to shrug it off but he knows he can’t do that either. Dan looks at Phil, who is waiting for his answer and he says, “Damien told me a bit about you after we broke up.” 

“And what exactly did he tell you, Dan?” 

“He told me how much of a mess you were,” Dan says, although it comes out as more of a mumble. 

Phil lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes, “I want to make something clear to you, Dan.” He pauses. “There is nothing going on with Damien and I. When we were in university together, we had a brief fling but it was nothing more than that. We’re only friends.” 

_ Then why does he have a key to your apartment? Why did he have a cat running out of your door? Why is he being this way?  _

“I don’t know what Damien told you,” Phil says, “but I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped loving you. Not once in the 10 years that we haven’t seen each other have I stopped thinking about you.” 

Dan lets his head fall back as he fights off the tears threatening to fall. His chest heaves a few times to try and keep the tears at bay and he lets out a few quick breaths to try and help. It works for the most part. 

“You laughed at me.” 

Dan’s not sure when he speaks but the words come out and he can’t pull them back. 

“Wha--what are you talking about?” 

“The day we broke up, I went to your house and we had sex and when I asked you what we were and what your feelings were for me, you laughed,” Dan swallows back the tears. “That’s why I slapped you. That’s why I ran.” 

Dan doesn’t want to turn his head and face Phil but he does and he sees a look of shock written over Phil’s face as his mouth falls open to process what Dan has said. It’s silence between them. Nothing more is said and in that moment, Dan wants nothing more than for Phil to leave so he have a proper cry because he really needs one right now and he’s not gonna cry in front of Phil. 

When Phil finally goes to answer, Dan’s phone starts vibrating erratically on the floor next to them and he reaches down to pick it up. The number on his phone is that of his author and he immediately sits up to answer the call. 

She has her next manuscript done and she’s thanking him for the edits. He feels better, hearing that from her directly over the phone and not from an email. He’d met with her once in person but it’s still better to talk over a phone when it comes to discussing her graphic novel. 

She begins to speak about how grateful she is for him being her editor and he feels his heart beat a little bit faster at the compliment. He takes it with a smile and really, it’s the first time he’s smiled the entire day--at least that he can recall. 

It was really exactly what he needed after such a shit day. That one moment of validation that made it feel like everything he was going through was worth it. The long work days, putting up with Phil and Damien. The constant work cycle that leaves him stressed more than he has ever been. 

But in this moment, it’s all worth it. Every single part of it is worth it. 

She hangs up and Dan puts his phone away and he looks down to see Phil helping himself to another slice of pizza, “What did she say?” 

“She complimented me and told me she was lucky to have me as her editor.” 

Phil’s lips curled into a smile, “What a nice compliment, but don’t let it get to your head.” 

Dan just shakes his head and sits back down beside Phil, grabbing another piece himself. 

“I should get going,” Phil says after he finishes. “But I think we should try and sit down and have another talk.” 

“Gonna be honest, mate,” Dan says. “Don’t think I can.” 

“But we have to eventually talk about this,” Phil presses. “We can’t ignore the elephant in the room.” 

_ No, but Dan wishes he could.  _

“I know…” 

Phil gets up and walks towards the door but stops before he gets to it and turns back around, “I mean it, Dan, when I say I never stopped loving you.” 

He opens the door and Dan watches as it closes and for some reason, it feels like the end of the last chapter and the beginning of the next. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters, if you haven't seen the anime, might seen a bit like a fever dream haha I mean this as the storyline gets a bit more complex and new characters and other elements began to be thrown in. I'm trying to keep this as close to the anime as possible and follow these same plot points, while also keeping it as close to Dan and Phil as possible too. Like my outline is each chapter is an episode of the anime so keep that in mind too. That being said, these next few chapters, if you have any questions at all, please them in the comments or come to my tumblr and ask them to me! 
> 
> Thanks :)

Dan’s next manuscript is due at five and he is currently fighting with his author to try and get it. He feels like he shouldn’t have to pry this hard to get the manuscript, but his author isn’t budging. He keeps telling Dan that it’s coming and Dan will have it soon but Dan is having a hard time believing that. 

He really needs the manuscript because he needs to send it to the printer for the initial printing decision. But without it, he can’t do that and now the workers at the printer are going to be all up in arms because Dan just wasted their time. 

Dan could go to Phil and ask what to do. But Dan has made it a point to avoid Phil these last two weeks since their interaction at his apartment. It wasn’t that he thought he needed to avoid Phil, but it was more or less the idea that he didn’t want to be confronted with the fact that they  _ do  _ need to talk about everything. 

But Dan isn’t ready for any of that yet. So instead of letting himself just get the talking done and over with, he’s been walking opposite directions from Phil, taking the bus instead of the train even though he hates the bus, and just not talking to him besides exchanging pleasantries in the morning or when Phil walks by. 

As Dan turns his head to take a quick look towards Phil, he notices Phil isn’t even there. His desk chair is pushed back and his laptop is still open but he’s gone. Dan feels like that’s normal, because of course Phil is busy and is being called to everywhere in the building. But it still bothers him a bit when he looks up and sees Phil isn’t there. 

But he doesn’t have to wait long to know where Phil is because suddenly his tall, lanky frame is coming down the hallway and he has a book in his hand a bunch of paperwork in a manilla folder. Dan assumes that it’s for Phil’s book that he just tried to get published but instead, Phil makes a beeline right to his desk. 

“Congratulations, Dan!” Phil says, placing the book and the papers on Dan’s desk. “This is the final printing edition for your book and on top of that, Onyx is asking for us to do a second printing due to the demand already. Here is the paperwork talking about how you’ll need to go about the second printing.” 

Dan feels all air leave his body because  _ his first graphic novel that he edited is getting a second printing! That’s amazing.  _

“We should celebrate!” 

Dan looks up to see the other editors all perking up at their desks at Mitch’s exclamation. 

“Yes!” Phil says back, “Let’s all go out for some drinks tonight in celebration for Dan’s first book getting a second run.” 

“Oh no, I don’t think…” 

“It’ll be fun,” Mitch speaks up, reaching out and putting his hand on Dan’s arm. “I promise we’re a fun crowd.” 

Dan feels like he doesn’t have much of a say in the matter but he decides to give in because honestly, it’s just going out with coworkers. That’s all it’s going to be. It’s not going to be him and Phil alone and that's totally fine. 

Phil leaves from behind him and walks back to his desk and sits back down into the seat. Dan looks down at the cover of the book and feels it. The hardcover feels amazing under his touch and he can’t believe that he’s just published his first book at Onyx. It feels a bit like this is all a dream. 

* * *

Mitch had made reservations for a restaurant in central London for later that evening so since Dan had some time between when he left work and dinner, he decided to stop by W.H Smith and see if any of the copies of his book have made it to the shelves yet. 

He was a bit eager to see how well it was selling so it would be really interesting for him to find a copy of it and see how many have been sold off from the shelves or the tables. He stops at the first one he sees between Onyx and the tube station and he walks inside the doors to see his book sitting in the front on a ‘New Releases’ table and he walks over to it. 

Dan lifted the book up and flipped it over, looking at the back and seeing that the store was charging £15 for it and he knows that that’s mostly what the sales department decided but he feels like that’s a bit steep. But then again, he sees the contrasting colors and how high quality the book looks and he actually feels like the price is justifiable. 

He fingers through the pages of the book and is looking through the published pages. He doesn't even remember what the books from his father’s company looked like while published but a thought in his head made him smile when he thought about how he these  _ had _ to be a higher quality. He is still thumbing through the pages when he hears someone clear their throat behind him. He turns his head and sees Damien standing there. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, folding his arms over his chest, his blazer pulling tight across his shoulders. He looks so much more professional than Dan who is in just a sweater and a pair of black jeans. 

“I was checking out my book.” 

Damien shook his head and furrowed his brows, “Don’t do that.” 

Dan furrowed his brows, “Why can’t I? It edited this.” He held the book up in his hand as if trying to make a point. 

“Because that’s not your department. You’re editing, not sales. It’s not your job to see the book in stores. That’s mine. I’m the one who goes to the stores and gathers sales reports every month,” Damien says, snapping back. 

“Why are you acting like this is such a big deal?” Dan asks, his voice getting huffy as he sets the book back down on the table. “I was just checking out the book.” 

Damien lets his arms back down to his side and Dan watches as his chest puffs out and then retracts back, “Just...don’t do this again. It’s not your place.” 

Dan softens his demeanor back, not wanting to continue the argument if Damien was backing down as well. It was clear that they were both coming to a compromise and that was good enough for Dan. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dan says finally, not quite accepting Damien’s response but wanting to keep everything at a stasis. 

Damien nods back and that’s when Dan sees he’s holding a bag in his hands that he hadn’t honestly noticed before in the momentary confrontation. It’s for a pet store and his stomach sinks a bit more as he remembers the animal it must be for. 

“Is that for your cat?” Dan asks, not even realizing he’s talking until Damien’s eyes widen and he stiffens again. 

“How do you know I have a cat?” He asks. 

“I...I saw you chase after the cat one day when I was going to my apartment. You were coming out of Phil’s.” 

“You live near Phil?” Damien asks, his voice changing a bit. 

Dan nods and then quickly backtracks, “Well, yes, I do but I didn’t know he lived there before I moved in. I promise.” 

Damien hikes his shoulders up for a second and crosses his arms again as he says, “It was Phil’s cat...but I’ve taken it over. It’s none of your business.” 

Damien then turns on his heels and leaves Dan behind. Dan watches him leave out of the doors and he feels a bit like he has whiplash. He has many more questions roaming around in his head but he’s not sure if he wants any of them ever to be answered. 

He leaves the store not long after. 

* * *

**Phil:** _ Mitch and the others can’t come anymore so it’ll just be you and I  _

Dan stares at the text for a solid five minutes before he even begins to think of a reply. This is the worst possible scenario to have happened and he cannot believe that his luck is doing this to him. He genuinely wants to scream but he can’t. 

He’s still contemplating a reply when Phil texts him back another message. 

**Phil:** _ I’ll pick up some drinks and we can just celebrate at my apartment. I’ll be home in 20  _

_ Oh, that’s even worse _ , Dan thinks. 

This entire night is just getting worse and worse and Dan falls back on his couch and groans out loud, rubbing his eyes with his hands. How on Earth could such a great thing of  _ getting a second printing of your book  _ suddenly turn into  _ drinking with your boss because the others couldn’t attend.  _

Dan still hasn’t answered the message when his doorbell rings and jolts him from his thoughts. He stands up and walks over to the door, opening it up to see Phil standing there with a bottle of wine and a few other bottles in bags in his hands. 

“Didn’t know what you drank so I picked up some different things,” He says. “Let’s go to my apartment and celebrate.” 

“I’m not sure if I…” 

“Come on, Dan,” Phil pushed. “It’s just celebrating for an actually super rare occasion. Hardly anyone gets a second printing on their first book. I definitely didn't so we need to celebrate!” 

Dan doesn’t know what told him to agree inside of him, but suddenly he was walking to Phil’s apartment and sittin in Phil’s living room as they opened up a bottle of wine and Phil poured them both a glass. 

Dan drank his down in no time, mostly because he didn’t really want to be sober right now. But Phil took slow sips of his and took a while longer to finish. They don’t speak much, which Dan doesn’t actually hate. 

But the silence begins to eat at him more and more, and he finishes half of the bottle by himself. His world begins to get a bit cloudier, and his vision a bit softer as he sits back on his palms and tries to remain grounded. 

“You’re a lightweight,” Phil says with a chuckle. 

“Am not.” 

Phil laughs. “You were already pissed after the first glass.” 

Dan shakes his head and looks down at the floor in front of them. He’s not sure of what else to say. 

“Damien told me he saw you at W.H Smith this afternoon,” Phil says and Dan looks up suddenly. 

_ Of course Damien told Phil.  _

“I don’t mind if you go there every once and a while to check out your books,” Phil says. “But that _is_ the sales department and if Damien sees you there often, he’s gonna start getting upset.” 

Dan rolls his eyes, not even meaning to fully do that but it happens as a natural reaction. 

“I know you don’t like Damien but he is your superior.” 

“Can you stop mentioning him so damn much?” Dan snaps out. “I don’t want to talk about him.” 

“Is this because of what happened the other day with him?” Phil asks, setting his glass down. 

“I don’t like Damien,” Dan admits. “He’s mean.” 

Phil shakes his head, “He’s really not when you get to know him.” 

“Well if that’s the case, can you tell him to get off my fucking back?” Dan exclaims. 

“What is Damien doing?” Phil asks, his tone serious. 

Dan bites back his tongue from yelling out that he wishes Phil would stop playing with his emotions and just go to Damien but the small rational side of his brain is telling him that’s not fair for either of them. 

“Damien told me that he is taking care of your cat.” 

Phil looks at him and his mouth opens and shuts for a moment before he speaks up, “Oh? My cat? It’s not really  _ my  _ cat. I got it a few months ago but my demanding work schedule didn’t allow me to take care of the cat properly so Damien took it over since he works a set schedule.” 

“Why was he coming out of your apartment with it a few weeks ago then?” 

Phil shakes his head, almost as if he doesn’t know how to answer the question but then he says whatever he was thinking of, “Damien goes out of town for work on occasion and probably needed me to watch her. So he was probably bringing her over that day.” 

Dan sat in silence because of course that’s the solid answer but Dan wishes for whatever reason that it was different. He sits back, trying to not stew on anything that was just said. 

“Is this all why you don’t like Damien?” Phil asks, his voice questioning but sincere. 

“Why don’t you just date Damien?” Dan asks, turning his head away. “Why are you still chasing after me when you’ve had him by your side all this time?” 

Phil suddenly moves next to him and Dan does all that he can to remain fixed in his spot and not flinch and scutter away like a startled animal. 

“We tried, back when we were in uni,” Phil says, “But it didn’t work because I’ve told you a million times. I never stopped thinking about you.” 

Dan feels his eyes well up a bit with tears that he can’t control as feelings bubble in his chest. Because as much as Dan hates admitting it, he knows he never stopped thinking about Phil too. 

Every night he dreamt about Phil until he suddenly stopped one day. Every day he thought about Phil, some days he even cried. He never wanted to admit it because deep down, he always figured he would never see Phil again. 

But with the alcohol in his veins and Phil sitting beside him, so close to him, Dan feels his inhibitions lower a bit more than they should. He’s tired of fighting off these feelings that he knows are there. He’s tired of acting like he doesn’t feel the same because…

He does. He feels the same as Phil and  _ fuck it hurts.  _

“You’re crying,” Phil says gently, reaching up and running his thumb over Dan’s cheek just as Dan feels the wetness seep down his skin. 

“Sorry,” Dan apologizes with a watery laugh. 

“Don’t apologize,” Phil says. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“We were really young, Phil,” Dan says, laughing a bit more now, “We didn’t even know what love was.” 

“No, but it felt like we did.” 

Dan nods because it did feel like that. Dan had felt genuine love in the short time he had been with Phil. 

Dan doesn’t know who leaned in first, but all he knows is the feeling of Phil’s lips on his feels like a dream. Phil’s hand comes and cups his jaw and Dan allows the kiss to deepen. Dan can feel the heat coursing hotter in his veins and he can’t tell if it’s from this or from the alcohol. 

All he knows is that it feels like ten years ago. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _heed the rating change!_

Back when Dan was a teenager, he used to have thoughts in his head about what it would be like to spend Christmas with Phil. Sometimes he would sit alone in his room and think about what they would do. Would they exchange gifts? Would they celebrate together? 

In the present, Dan is overcome with these thoughts once again as he lays awake lone in his apartment. It’s well past midnight, but his mind hasn’t shut up since the night before when he and Phil...did that. It wasn’t like they progressed any further than kissing, but Dan doesn’t honestly know how they kissed for. All his knows is that when they stopped, his lips were a bit sore and swelled to the touch but...he doesn’t regret it. 

Maybe that’s why he’s still up at night. 

He doesn’t regret the kissing. At the time, it had felt really right. But it was what Phil had told him after that is making Dan’s head still reel. 

_Let’s go away for Christmas together._

Dan didn’t give Phil an answer. He just said he’d think about it and then he left for the evening where he stayed awake the entire time worrying about what he had done. At the office yesterday, Phil had told Dan he could book them tickets to the Isle of Man for a getaway. It would just be the two of them. 

It didn’t feel right, Dan supposes, to be going away on a getaway with your boss. But he feels like he’s crossed a line by kissing Phil. Yeah, they were both a bit inebriated when it happened but that still doesn’t stop the fact that Dan _did_ want it. He wanted to be kissed by Phil again after all of these years. 

He turns on his side and the clock reads close to 2 now. He knows he’ll hate himself in the morning if he doesn’t get some sleep, so he shuts his eyes and tries to fall asleep. 

And he does eventually, but his dream comes in the form of him and Phil exchanging Christmas gifts and the cycle begins again. 

* * *

There was nothing Dan hated more than dealing with the printers. Every time he went to them to give them his finished manuscript, they always harped on him for something or another. He’s tried to let it go in one ear and out the other but that doesn’t always happen.

He’s on the way back to the office and can’t wait to get back so he can tell his goodbyes to Phil and then leave for the evening to go home. He has the day off tomorrow and he really cannot wait to spend the day doing absolutely nothing and just relaxing in his apartment.

The elevator doors open up and Dan looks up to see Damien standing directly in front of him. Dan really wanted to roll his eyes but he knew that he couldn’t for the act of civility.

“Didn’t you get Phil’s message?” Damien asks as Dan steps out of the elevator, “He texted you that you could go home as soon as you were done.”

Dan pulls his phone out from his pocket and sure enough, there is a text from Phil telling him to go home.

“Well, still needed to come back and grab my stuff,” Dan says, walking past Damien as Damien walked towards the open elevator doors.

Damien didn’t step onto the elevator though. He turned around and the doors shut behind him as he crossed his arms over the chest and asked, “What are you doing the 24th?”

Dan furrowed his brows, “Christmas eve?” Dan asks.

“No, Phil’s birthday.”

At first, it takes Dan a minute to remember what Damien even means. Surely Phil’s birthday wasn’t the 24th? Then it hits Dan like a ton of bricks and he’s stood there with wide eyes as he looks at Damien who just laughs, “You forgot, didn’t you?” He says.

“I--”

“Well, just wanted to ask what you were doing,” Damien says with a shrug. “Phil doesn’t like his birthday but I thought maybe I would take him out to the bar for the evening and you could tag along.”

Dan feels a bit caught off guard by the invitation but he just nods and flashes a smile, “I’ll consider it.”

Damien doesn’t say anything more, he turns on his heels and pushes the up button on the elevator and steps inside.

Dan takes a moment to process everything before he walks to his desk and gathers his things. He leaves the office feeling a bit off kilter, a bit unsure of what his mind is even thinking. He feels cloudy, a bit weightless.

When he gets on the tube, he pulls his phone out and checks his calendar. It’s then that he realizes the 24th is is in 2 days, he never even noticed it. He has no gifts, no presents or cards for his family. He was never even aware Christmas was this close. His days were blurring together and going by so fast. He’s been at Onyx for nearly three months now and yet, he doesn’t feel like he has.

He shuts his eyes and leans his head back on the window as he lets out a sigh.

* * *

Dan wakes up the next morning to the insistent ringing of his doorbell from the outside. He looks at his clock and he sees it’s a little after 9, but he was content until sleeping until midday. He didn’t really feel like being awake, much less alive, this _early_ in the morning. 

He gets up slowly and walks to his door to see Phil stood there, holding a pair of printed tickets in his hand, “We’re going to Isle of Man,” He says. “I’ve rented us a cottage.” 

“Wait what?” Dan says, his brain still waking up and not processing everything that Phil is saying. 

“I don’t want to spend Christmas in London...I want to spend Christmas alone with you. So please...come with me to the Isle of Man where we can get away for a bit. Just you and me,” Phil pleads. “We can take the time to catch up.” 

“What about work?” Dan asks. 

“Onyx closes for the holidays like every other company,” Phil says. “It’ll be okay. No one will question it.” 

Dan bites his lip as Phil hands him a printed version of their flight itinerary. He looks down at it for a moment and studies it before looking up, “Okay.” 

Phil’s eyes widened and he immediately became excited, “Oh awesome!” He exclaims, “Our flight leaves tomorrow at 8am. But I’ll meet you here before that.” 

“Sounds good.” 

Phil leaves, not long after and Dan stands on the other side of the door as he contemplates all that he just did. He’ll have to get Phil a gift now, but what do you give an ex-lover? Let alone one that you might be getting feelings for again? 

He sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands as he closes his eyes. 

He might have gotten himself into a mess. 

Dan got Phil a Studio Ghibli Totoro plushie from a convenience store down the road from his apartment. He texted Phil asking if Phil liked anime, because that’s what Dan likes too and he figured that would make getting him a gift easier. Phil responded that he did and he named specifically _this_ anime so this is what Dan got him. 

It’s quite big, but not too big that Dan can’t travel with it. When he packs his overnight duffel bag for the two day trip, he stuffs it into the bottom under his clothing and then packs the rest of his essentials. 

He’s feeling a bit nervous now. Now that the bag is packed, he feels like everything is so much more definite. Dan’s is actually going on a trip with Phil and it’s something he’s doing willingly. He honestly never thought he would ever get this opportunity. When he was a teenager, this was all he could think about. 

He used to fantasize about spending time with Phil when they got older. He used to think about how they would go on holidays together and they would visit places like Paris and Tokyo and it would be just them, in love. It would be them making memories because as teenagers, they had no way to do that. 

Dan finds himself getting emotional when he thinks like that. He used to have such big pipe dreams for him and Phil but they all collapsed so fast around them. 

His phone vibrates next to him, and he picks it up and answers it thinking that it was going to be Phil. But his voice stops and his skin pales as he hears the unforgettable voice on the other side. 

* * *

“Are you familiar with the Isle of Man?” Dan asks as he and Phil step out of the cab at the end of the driveway that lead to the cottage. 

Phil turned to him and nodded, “When my parents divorced, this is where my mum moved to and I moved here with her as well. She’s not around here anymore, but even if she was, I don’t think I could see her.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Phil says with a smile. “We’re going to make new memories on the Isle for me and I’m much happier about that.” 

They walks inside the cottage and it’s so small and quaint. But yet, it feels so homey. Dan feels so comfortable being here. The living room is quiet and the kitchen is small. He goes down the hallway to put his stuff in his room when he sees just two doors. He opened the one and its the bathroom. He steps back and furrows his brow and then pushes the next door open and only sees a single king bed. 

He turns back around, “Phil...there is only one bedroom.” 

Phil steps into the view of the hallway and nods, “Yeah, we’re sharing a room.” 

“Why?” Dan questions. 

“Because if we’re going to catch up, I figured that we could start by at least sleeping together.” 

Dan’s eyes widen and Phil immediately puts his hands up to stop Dan’s thoughts.

“It was also the only cottage that the rental company had at the last minute for the holidays so I took what I could get. But I thought it wouldn’t make a difference.” 

Dan just nods and bites his lip as he walks into the room and sets his stuff down on the side of the bed. He sits down on the edge and rubs his hands over his face. When he finally stands up to put his stuff away, Phil walks by and calls, “I’m using the shower,” and Dan wants nothing more than to just curl up. 

Most of the places around aren’t open due to it being Christmas Eve so they get their food at a small Tesco in the town centre. They grab some quick food they can heat up and Dan buys Phil a cake and then they make their way back to the cottage. 

They sit in the small dining room and Dan leaves momentarily to grab the gift for Phil. He fishes it out of the bottom of his bag and takes a deep breath as he walks out and sees Phil staring at him. 

“Happy Birthday,” Dan says, handing him the plushie. Phil takes it in his hands and squishes it against his chest like a child and it makes Dan smile, “Do you like it?” 

Phil nods, “I love it! I love Totoro.” 

They’re stood in the living room, and Dan feels like the air around them just changed significantly. Phil sets the plushie on the couch behind him and then says, “When I was younger, I used to fantasize about us over the holidays. I used to think about what we do, what gifts we would exchange. I was always really excited for them…” 

“...But they never happened.” 

Phil nodded and Dan feels his cheeks heat up. 

“I used to do that too,” Dan admits. “I used to do that all the time.” 

Phil suddenly moves forward and places his hand on Dan’s jaw and connects their lips in a heated kiss. Dan wraps his arms gently around Phil’s neck and lets himself melt into the kiss. For some reason, his body wasn’t telling him to push Phil away, that he was making a mistake. 

Instead, he arched his chest closer to Phil and whimpered into the kiss. 

They ended up in the bedroom, Dan making quick work of getting his jeans off and slipping them to the floor. He lays down on the bed and let’s Phil hover over him as Phil reaches between them and slips his hand instead of Dan’s boxers. 

It’s been so long since they’ve touched each other and Dan will be lying if he says he hasn’t thought about this, hasn’t reminisced of the sex they had when they were younger. They were so inexperienced, so young and dumb but yet it always felt so good. 

Phil fishes his cock out and Dan hisses as the cool air of the room touches his skin. He feels so hot all over, and Phil’s skin feels the same way under his touch. Dan kisses him again, letting himself get back into the kiss again as Phil pulls off his shirt and then tugs at Dan’s. They undress all the way and Dan spreads his legs, letting Phil in between them. 

Maybe he’ll regret this tomorrow, he’s not entirely sure. But tonight, he feels nothing but want and need. He needs Phil. He wants nothing more than to feel Phil inside of him again. 

Phil gets out the lube and a condom wrapper from his bag next to the bed and Dan waits, his chest heaving. Phil maneuvers back so he can get proper access to Dan and Dan finds himself blushing, feeling a bit self-conscious. But then Phil bends down and kisses just below his belly button and that all washes away. 

When Phil entered him, it took Dan’s breath away. Phil was a lot bigger than he remembered, but he filled him so well that he really couldn’t do anything but let out a loud moan and a series of whimpers. 

Phil hit him in all the right spots and they both didn’t last long, Dan finishing in pearl streaks over his stomach and Phil staggering a bit and finishing inside the condom. When Phil pulls out, Dan lays on his back and lets himself take hold of the situation. He doesn’t have enough time to really gauge what he’s done because Phil removes the spent condom and then immediately snuggles up to Dan, turning Dan on his back so they can cuddle, Dan being the little spoon. 

Right before Dan drifts off, he can feel the kisses littering the back of his neck and he hears the faint sound of Phil saying, “ _I love you_ ” and Dan feels like his heart is simultaneously filling and breaking. 

Because Dan got a call from his estranged fiancee the day before, and he’s going to eventually have to Phil about her. But he can’t after what they just did, and he spends the night worrying about this instead of taking in the moment at hand. 


	10. Chapter 10

Returning back from the Isle of Man almost felt as if the entire trip never happened. Dan didn’t figure that it would warrant such a dramatic change in his life but he really felt like sleeping with Phil might have been a turning point. Except, it definitely wasn’t. 

He goes back to Onyx for his shift the following day and naturally, he’s not shocked to see a mound of paperwork at his desk that was either faxed to him or given to him from the printers or sales department. 

Dan finds two new manuscripts, both for different authors, a form for the second printing of his book, and a few other miscellaneous forms and papers that he has no idea what they are from first glance. He lets out a sigh and plops down in his seat, rubbing his hands in his hair. 

They always say going back to work after a vacation was difficult, and Dan is definitely not in disagreement with that at all. 

He fishes his laptop out of his bag and opens it up to begin working on unread emails and other various things now that he has a ton of work to do. He buckles down and focuses in, trying to get as much done as possible. 

It’s only an hour into his shift when his cell phone begins to ring out of his coat that’s draped over his chair. He reaches behind him and goes to grab it to see who it is. Maybe it’s an author of his? That’s got to be it. 

But when he pulls his phone out of his pocket, the name “Annie” appears on his screen with a picture of her and he feels a bit sick. 

_ Should he answer it or should he leave it?  _ He looks around the room quickly as if he’s looking for an out for the situation. But the sound of his ringtone is annoying him and surely everyone else so he quickly hits answer and puts the phone up to his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“You didn’t answer my call the other day.” 

The airiness of her voice still catches Dan off guard. 

He quickly stands up from his chair and rushes out of the office towards the breakroom. He steps inside and is glad to see no one else is in there. He takes a seat on one of the couches. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to ever call again,” Dan says truthfully. 

“I’m back from Italy,” Annie says. “I want to see you again.” 

There is a pause because Dan doesn’t know what to tell her anymore. Back when they were together, he could have any conversation with her without an issue. But she left for Italy when they were on bad terms and Dan considered the relationship ended at that point, he figured she did too. 

But something is nagging in the back of his head that she was still thinking otherwise. 

“I stopped by your dad’s company but they said that you left and were working somewhere else,” Annie says, her voice cutting through his thoughts. 

“Oh, yeah. I switched companies a few months ago,” Dan says, his words a bit clipped, a bit short. 

“Where do you work now?” Annie says, a bit out of breath and that’s when Dan can hear the sound of the busy London streets in the background. 

“Are...are you walking?” Dan asks. 

“Yeah, I’m going to come and see you, is that an issue?” 

“Yes!” Dan cries out. “You can’t come and visit me at my job, Annie.” 

He can almost hear her stop in her tracks as she processes what he just said. She huffs and then lets out a sigh. 

“Do you still live in the same flat at least?” She asks, sounding exasperated. 

“No.” 

“So you’ve literally like...left everything behind then.” 

Dan leans back on the couch and rubs his hand over his face. 

“So you’re not even going to give me your new address then?” Annie asks. “Dan, you’re my  _ fiance,  _ I need to know where you are.” 

“Annie…” 

“Look, okay. I know the details got a bit stretched as time passed between us but we can meet up later and talk about this all.” 

Dan sighs because he knows that she is right. He agrees eventually and then ends the call just as the door to the breakroom opens and Phil walks inside, a couple pound coins in his hand. He walks over to the vending machine and without making eye-contact with Dan, says, “There is a strict company policy that we use our cell phones for work related conversations when we’re on the clock. So no more private calls during your shift or else we’re both going to get into trouble.” 

“How did you know it wasn’t work related?” Dan asks, because he doesn’t particularly like the idea of Phil eavesdropping on his conversation. No matter how many lines or boundaries they may have crossed. 

“If it was work related, you wouldn’t have rushed out of the office so no one else could hear you,” Phil says, grabbing whatever he got out of the machine and walking back out of the room. 

Dan has no idea what any of that was, but it leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. 

* * *

Phil gets on the tube right after Dan has a seat on one of the empty benches. He rushes on and Dan sees the sigh of relief that comes out of Phil’s chest when the doors close narrowly behind him and the train starts and barrels forward. He walks forward and takes the empty seat next to Dan. 

“Didn’t think I was going to make the last train,” Phil says, completely out of breath. 

“They normally hold the final train for a bit longer.” 

Phil stares at him and laughs and shakes his head. Dan’s not sure why. 

Then he sees the bag Phil is holding in his hands and notices there is something in it. Phil picks it up and holds it up to Dan, “Come over to mine for a few drinks to unwind after the long day.” 

“I can’t tonight,” Dan says, because he knows Annie is waiting for him at his flat. Even though he told her not to wait for him, he knows that she is. 

“Why not?” Phil asks. 

“I...I’m tired.” 

“Exactly why we should unwind,” Phil presses, scooting closer to Dan. 

The train suddenly slows to a hard stop and the passengers get thrown around as the lights flicker off and murmurs begin to be whispered between everyone. Dan feels his heartbeat pick up speed and he turns to Phil. 

Phil looks at him and just as Dan opens his mouth to ask what Phil thinks happened, but Phil leans forward and presses their lips together. Dan has half a mind to protest and push back because they’re on a public train but Phil pulls away not long after initiating it. 

Dan just stares at him and then the lights flicker back on and Dan feels a sense of comfort in his chest. He finds himself leaning over and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder, taking a deep breath and letting it go through his nose. 

It’s just a few more stops until their own and when they get off, they walk together down the street. It’s so late that most of the area is void of people except for a few stragglers. Their shoulders are bumping against each other and Dan doesn’t think Phil’s ever walked this close to him before. There is something cozy about it. 

Just as he thinks that, Phil’s hand comes into contact with his own and they connect, palm to palm. Dan can feel how warm Phil’s hand is against his own and he blushes as he looks down and sees their hands swinging, intertwined. 

He knows that they shouldn’t be holding hands in public, but it’s night and no one is around so he figures that it really can’t hurt them. 

They walk all the way to their apartment building like that, and just as soon as they reach the door, Dan sees her, standing outside with a cigarette in between her fingers, the smoke coiling through the night air. 

He drops Phil’s hand like it just hurt him and he stops in his tracks, “Annie?” 

He knows that she was supposed to be meeting up with him here but the shock still sets in seeing her. It’s been nearly a year since they last saw each other. He hates to admit it, but he actually had forgotten mostly what she looked like. 

So to see her standing there, her shoulder length hair sitting behind her ears and her button down shirt tucked into her black jeans with a long peacoat covering her arms, Dan feels like he’s seeing a stranger in his view. 

“Where have you been? Thought you said you got out of work around 9?” She says. 

Dan is well aware that it’s past nine, but he couldn’t help that. Some days he has to stay later to get his work done and today is definitely one of those days since it was the day back from holiday. 

“I do but I had to stay later,” He says, walking up to her, leaving Phil standing behind him. 

Phil follows him and is suddenly standing behind him. Annie motions to Phil and Dan turns and quickly introduces him, “Oh, Annie, this is Phil. Phil, this is Annie.” 

Phil reaches his hand out to shake it and says a quick nice to meet you before he turns to Dan and says that he’s heading inside. 

Dan doesn’t say anything else, he just smiles and nods and watches as Phil walks away. He turns back to Annie and she’s staring at him, tapping off the ash from the end of her cigarette. 

“Who is that?” She asks. 

“I already introduced you,” Dan says, rolling his eyes. 

She lifts the cigarette to her mouth and Dan notices that she’s wearing the thin band that he gave her. His heart sinks a bit further down into his stomach. 

She rolls her eyes, “Don’t get cheeky with me, Howell. That’s not what I asked. Why were you holding hands with him?” 

Dan doesn’t know what to say to her because he doesn’t fully have an answer. He and Phil haven’t spoken to each other about what their relationship actually was. 

Annie shakes her head, “Nevermind. I brought you a gift.” 

“A gift?” 

Annie nods and then throws her cigarette on the ground and stomps it out with her foot. She digs into the bag on her shoulder and pulls out a small box and hands it to him. 

“New Year's gift,” She says with a smile. 

Dan thanks her and then it goes silent between them again. He’s not sure what else he  _ can  _ say. He honestly thought he was never going to see her again. 

“You know,” Dan says, deciding to rip the plaster off. “We’re not engaged anymore.” 

Annie looks at him and gives him a sad smile, “I know, Howell. But a girl can dream that she didn’t fuck everything up, right?” She lets out a cough and straightens herself up a bit. “I know you’re in love with someone else,” She says. “It’s okay, mate. Didn’t expect you to take me back after all of this...just...kind of hoped maybe you would.” 

“It’s not...I’m sorry, Annie.” 

She nods her head and flashes him another smile before she says, “I need to go. I’ve called a cab and they’re probably wondering where I am.” 

She barreled past him and he watched as she walked away. He felt a weight lift from his chest, but then another one settled. He looked up towards the top of the building and saw the light of Phil’s flat glow through the curtains. He takes a deep breath and steps into the building, making his way up. 

He knocks on Phil’s door, waiting for Phil to open it up. But no one comes. Dan stands puzzled on the other side, waiting longer for someone to come but it’s clear no one is.  _ Did Phil fall asleep?  _

He knocks again and this time, he hears footsteps coming and the door opens. Phil stands on the other side, staring at him. 

“Hi,” Dan says. “Still open for some drinking?” 

Phil lets out a small breath and then says, “I don’t know, Dan…” 

Dan swallows down the lump in his throat and bites his lip, “Then let me at least explain who she is.” 

“She’s your girlfriend,” Phil says with no hesitation. “I get why you were so hesitant about doing anything with me now.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Dan says. “Please, let me explain.” 

Phil steps aside and opens the door wider and Dan walks in, leaving his shoes behind next to Phil’s on the rug beside the door. They make their way into Phil’s living room and they sit down. 

“She was my fiance,” Dan says, needing to just get everything all out into the open now. “We met when we were in America. She was in the same class as me and we hit it off. When I moved back to the UK, she moved here too to go to university in Scotland. We decided to date because I thought why not. I was still getting over you and everyone told me that I needed to get myself out there again, so I went for it.” 

Dan looks up from his hands to see Phil staring at him, stone faced. Dan can’t read how he’s feeling but he can see that he’s listening and that’s enough for him to continue. 

“We were never the most compatible couple. She was way more outgoing than me and so we found the balance to be really hard and we separated for a long time,” He pauses to gather his thoughts. “We reconnected a few years later and got back together and for some reason, my mind told me that she was going to be the only person I could potentially love again...after you. So I proposed and she accepted.” 

“Why did you propose to someone if you didn’t want to be with them?” Phil asks and Dan looks at him. 

“I don’t know,” Dan says. “Truthfully, I  _ really  _ do not know.” 

“That’s a bit daft, don’t you think?” 

Dan shakes his head and ignores Phil to get the rest of his story out. 

“One day, we got into an argument and I called off the engagement. But she didn’t think I was actually calling it off but I was. We argued more and then I woke up one morning and she was gone. All I had was a text telling me she was leaving to go and  _ find herself.  _ I found out two weeks later she was in Capri...in Italy.” 

Phil crosses his arms over his chest and sits quiet for a moment and so Dan adds, “This was the first time I’ve seen her since she’s left.” 

Phil lets out a scoff and Dan feels his cheeks heat up in anger. 

“Wha--” 

“You’re so dense you don’t even see the irony in this entire situation,” Phil says. “Who does she sound like, Dan?” 

Dan sits in silence, collecting his thoughts as he realizes...Annie was exactly like him. He did the exact same thing...but to Phil. He looks up and opens and closes his mouth a few times. 

Phil just shakes his head and stands up, walking away from the couch. Dan finds himself going after him, he pushes off, and bounds forward, grabbing Phil’s arm, “Where are you going?” 

“I’m going to see Damien.” 

The color drains from Dan’s face as he lets go of Phil’s arm, “Why?” 

“Because Damien asked me to come over for drinks and I am.” 

Phil walks further towards the door and Dan chases after him again. When Phil begins to slip his foot into his shoe, Dan reaches for his arm again, “Don’t…” Phil spins around and comes face to face with Dan and Dan finds himself pleading, “Don’t go to Damien. Please, Phil…” 

“Dan...you had a fiance and I never even knew about it.” 

“I didn’t love her,” Dan says, and he knows the words hurt. He shouldn’t be saying them but they slip out. “I didn’t love her because I’ve only loved one person in my life.”

Their eyes meet and Dan feels his eyesight blur as tears come to the waterline and he struggles to hold them back. Phil reaches up and puts his hand on Dan’s cheek, stroking the skin with his thumb. 

Phil leans in and connects their lips and Dan reaches up, putting his arms around Phil’s neck for stability. He melts into the kiss, letting himself cling to Phil as he struggles to hold back his emotions. 

Phil pulls back and looks Dan in the eyes as Dan sinks into seas of blue, “I want to know everything about you from the last ten years,” He says, his voice soft. “Don’t leave anything out. I want to know everything.” 

Dan nods and connects their lips again as he whispers, “okay.” 

As they make their way into the bedroom, and fall onto Phil’s bed, Dan lays beneath him. He keeps his hands as steady as they can be on Phil’s jaw, holding them both grounded. Their kisses are fevered and Dan can feel Phil undoing the button of his pants, opening them up to the cool air of the room. 

Phil breaks the kiss, leaning down to kiss and suck at Dan’s neck. Dan closes his eyes and lets out a moan. No one will ever have this effect on him, only Phil. 

And one day, he might even admit that to Phil. 


	11. Chapter 11

“We have the New Years Party tomorrow evening so make sure your work is finished before the party begins.” 

Dan looks up from his laptop to where Phil is stood in front of them all, a pile of paperwork in his hands. Dan was never aware that they were even having a New Years Party. He knew that obviously companies had parties but what was the point of this one? 

Phil didn’t say anything more about it, probably because the other editors have all been here for a lot than Dan has been there and so it makes sense that they all already know the protocol while Dan is completely confused. 

What type of party was it? Was it formal? Did he have to rent a tuxedo? Should he have known about this in advance? 

He was starting to panic a bit at the thought of having to go to a party and actually socialize with all of the people. 

“Mitch…” Dan says, trying to catch Mitch’s attention next to him. “What is the New Years Party?” 

Mitch turns to him and smiles, “The party? Oh, it’s a New Years Party held by the company where editors, authors, and other publishing companies can mingle and start thinking about the next year. It actually doubles as a mixer and you’ll be talking with authors who are looking to change publishing companies and you’ll be trying to recruit them to ours.” 

Dan furrowed his brows. He wasn’t sure that he really liked that. He hated socializing with people, let alone going to a party to try and speak with new authors to try and get them to come to their publishing company. 

“What is the dress code?” Dan asks. 

“Formal!” Mitch says. “Think of it like you’re going to a fancy cocktail party. All of the women will be in elegant dresses and normally we try and dress in suits. If you ask Phil, you might be able to borrow one of his if you don’t have one. You look about the same size and height.” 

Dan just scoffed at the comment and Mitch shrugged, thinking he gave pretty solid advice to Dan. But in actuality, that didn’t help Dan at all. That only made him more nervous for the event and feeling more like he really did not want to attend. 

He went the rest of his work day finishing his last edits and sending them back to his author before shutting his computer down and wishing everyone a goodbye for the evening. He needed to run to the shops and pick up a nice looking suit and he refused to ask in  _ shame  _ to borrow one of Phil’s. For one, he didn’t even know if he and Phil would even fit and secondly, he wasn’t going to ask his... _ no, they’re not anything at the moment.  _ They’re just bridging past the state of awkwardness where they’re able to be together and occassionally have sex and kiss. But they haven’t established what they are. 

And Dan’s not going to rush it by any means. 

He stops by a clothing shop on the corner of his street and picks up a nice black blazer and a white button down shirt with black polka dots. He then gets a new pair of black slacks and buys them, cringing a bit at the price but knowing they would be worth it, he just threw the paper receipt into the black bag and walked down to his apartment. 

When he got there, he hung up the clothes to get any wrinkles out of them before tomorrow night and then he made himself a quick dinner of pasta and sauce. For once, when Dan sat down that night, he felt really relaxed and not under pressure of anything. 

He was really enjoying it. 

* * *

Dan arrived to the venue at the time that Phil told him that all of the editors should get there. He knew that they had to all sign in and get their name badges and their  _ complimentary  _ drink before they headed into the banquet hall where they would all be mingling with everyone. 

Dan walked up to the table and said his name to the two women manning it. They gave him his name tag and when he looked it, he wanted to roll his eyes when he saw,  _ “Daniel Howell, Onyx Publishing Company, New Editor”  _ on it. He’s been there for four months now. He wishes he would stop being called a “new editor”. He’s not a new editor by any means. He’s been editing for a long time now...just not with this company. 

“Is there something wrong with your name tag, Mr. Howell?” The one woman asked him as she looked at him concerned about the way he was staring down at it. 

He quickly shook his head and smiled, “No, just spaced out a moment.” 

He quickly pinned the nametag to the outside of his blazer and walked further inside the open set of double doors to a room full of fancy dressed people and tables and cocktails going around. 

Dan felt overwhelmed. This entire scenario felt like something out of a movie, not something happening in his real life. He’s never been to a party this fancy before. He felt totally out of place and worst of all, there were so many people walking around and mingling at tables that Dan couldn’t even locate where any of his coworkers were. 

He couldn’t even see Phil in the crowd. 

He was nearly ready to just give up and sit in the corner for the evening when he felt a tug on his arm and he turned his head quickly to see Phil stood beside him. His hair was perfectly styled back, his glasses perched neatly on his nose. He suit was beautifully tailored and he looked...stunning. Dan seriously felt a bit weak in the knees seeing him. 

“There you are!” Phil said with a laugh. “We were all looking for you.” 

“I just got here.”

“Mitch and Damien are walking around already speaking with authors but I had something to give you quickly.” 

Dan’s about to ask what it was when he sees Phil ruffling in his pants pocket. Just as Dan is ready to make a lewd joke, Phil pulls out a tiny stack of neaty plastic wrapped cards and he hands them to Dan. 

“You never had business cards. I know this because I never saw you with them. So I had some made for you before tonight. Here you go,” Phil hands him the cards and Dan looks down at them, noticing how beautiful they look. They have accents of gold and black and his name is shiny, sparkling in the light. They looked extremely well done. “You should hand them out to every author you meet regardless. We always say at the company that you shouldn’t have any left by the end of the night. So aim for that.” 

Dan just nods and smiles because he’s utterly speechless at the kind gesture from Phil. He rips open the plastic and stuffs the garbage into his pocket. He then takes the cards and puts them in the pocket of his blazer, giving a few out in his hands for quick distributing. 

“I need to introduce you to someone,” Phil says, grabbing for Dan’s hand without Dan’s permission. Dan feels caught off guard as Phil pulls him through the crowd, weaving through all of the tables and people. 

They get to a small corner of the hall where a small group is gathered around a male author. He’s smiling, beaming actually, as his hands remain in his pockets and his posture looks a little bit on the bad side. 

Dan feels bad in a way. He almost feels like the author is being cornered. But then he realizes that isn’t the case at all. 

Mitch is stood there, a glass of wine in his hand, “Ah! Dan! Come meet Jacob! He’s our top selling author at the company.” 

Dan immediately nodded his introduction to the author and handed him a business card as he shook his hand, “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Dan said, trying to force out the classic  _ business talk.  _ “I’m Daniel Howell and I’m a new editor with Onyx.” 

Jacob nodded and smiled at Dan before being bombarded with questions all over again by everyone else. 

Dan figured that he did his duty by saying hello to the author so he turned around just in time to see Phil wasn’t with him anymore. Feeling a bit like a lost child in a store, he quickly looked and searched around and he noticed Phil on the other side of the hall, laughing and taking a sip of some wine with Damien and a group of females. 

Dan felt a little pang of jealousy seeing Phil and Damien still acting so close. But he tried to remind himself that there was nothing happening between Phil and Damien and he brushed any intrusive thoughts from his head. 

Dan spent the rest of the evening walking around and trying to mingle with people. A few people he was able to spend a short amount of time talking to and he really enjoyed it. But a select other people definitely did not  _ new  _ like him and he could feel that when they read his name tag and immediately dispelled anything he was about to say. 

By the end of the evening, Dan was exhausted, mentally and physically. He felt like he had used up all of his communication for the day and he was ready to go home and not speak to anyone he ventured work Monday morning. 

Dan was on his way to grab a third class of red wine when someone stepped up to the front of the room with a microphone and announced that the event had ended and everyone was welcome to start making their way out via the double doors in the front. 

Dan felt beyond relieved, and it was no secret he was the first person out of the door so he could get outside and call for a taxi to his flat. He barely stepped out of the doors when he heard his name being called, “Dan!” 

Dan turned towards the voice, seeing Annie stood there in a black cocktail dress. Her hair styled up in a  _ messy bun  _ and her makeup done all the way down to her bright red lips, “What are you doing here?” Dan asked. 

“I was attending the event tonight on behalf of your dads company.” 

“Why?” Dan asked, genuinely a bit disgusted that Annie would be attending something on behalf of his  _ family’s  _ company. 

“They needed someone to go in place of your father and they asked me to go since you obviously were going for Onyx.” 

“And they didn’t consult me about that?” Dan asked, completely outraged. 

“Dan, even  _ I _ know you haven’t spoken to your family since you left your dad’s company. Think about that.” 

“But why would they ask you?” Dan asks because he can’t make heads or tails of the situation.

“Because they still think we’re getting married, Dan!” Her voice was louder than Dan wished for it to be. He was hoping that no one else was listening to them. But from what he could see, there weren’t many people coming out yet. 

“You didn’t tell them that we broke off the engagement?” Dan asked, his voice raising higher in pitch. 

“No!” Annie said, edging closer to Dan. “Because that shouldn’t be what I have to do.  _ You’re  _ their son, you need to do it!” 

Dan stood back, biting his tongue for all of the nasty stuff that is threatening to spew out of his lips right now. He can’t say anything. He can’t afford to say anything that could hurt anyone in the process. 

“Are you in love with someone else?” 

Dan bites his lip. He hesitates to answer, but as he dips his head down, he sees his business card in his hand, now crumbled from the small stack he kept his grasp the entire time. When he sees the card, he remembers who got them for him and his heart picks up speed. 

“I…” 

“Dan!” Dan quickly turns on his heels and sees Phil rushing towards him, his jacket unbuttoned and flying with the breeze around him. “Where did you go? We need you to go back in there and help clean up with the rest of us.” 

Dan turns around and opens his mouth to give Annie an apology, but nothing comes out. So he shuts his mouth and follows Phil back inside the hall. 

* * *

They go home together, him and Phil. It’s nearly silent between them but it’s not a bad silent. It’s a  _ we’re both tired and need some rest,  _ kind of silent. It’s much more peaceful. They get to their apartment building and walk inside together. 

When they get to outside their doors, Phil invites Dan inside to his apartment for another round of wine and drinks to  _ wind down  _ after the intense mingling that they had to do. Dan doesn’t have the heart to tell Phil he only gave out a handful of his cards and the rest are in his back pocket. 

“I saw you talking with…” 

“Annie?” Dan says, completing Phil’s sentence. 

Phil nods and Dan sighs. 

“It’s...there is nothing between us.”

“I know,” Phil says, a smile playing on his lips. “I heard you two.” 

“You heard us?” Dan asked, outraged. “How much did you hear?” 

“Enough.” 

Dan was able to protest, about to joke that Phil shouldn’t listen in to other peoples conversations. But Phil stops him in his tracks as he lunges forward and presses their lips together and Dan loses all sense of what he was going to say. 

Everything about Phil feels like comfort now. It’s like going back home after being lost for days on end with no where to go. Being with Phil is exactly what he needed to make his life feel complete again. 

As he wraps his arms around Phil’s neck and lets himself be dragged to the bedroom, he’s 100% sure now... _ that he is in love with Phil.  _


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **First** : This chapter is split between Dan and Phil's POV's. There was no way around it. First half is Phil, second half is Dan. 
> 
> **Second** : It is with a heavy heart that I say this is the penultimate chapter of this fic. When I first started this fic, I had originally 20 chapters outlined. But as the fic grew and got bigger and longer, I realized that I wanted to keep it in line with the anime and not dive into the manga section because I know some of my own friends in my discord chat mentioned that they wanted to not be spoiled by the manga. So I want to kind of keep that for this too? So I've decided that, after writing this chapter, this was the _perfect_ place to have this end and then do the epilogue next. 
> 
> This all being said, I've thoroughly enjoyed reading peoples comments here and to me on Tumblr saying that I got them to check out this anime. It is honestly one of my all time favorite anime's for a variety of reasonings, none of them having to do with the genre being Yaoi, but just with the overall content in the anime I found very emotional and easy to connect to. 
> 
> If you're one of those people who are interested in looking into this anime now but you don't know where to begin, you can message me privately on Tumblr @yiffandquiff OR under my new tumblr for this anime @onoderaritsu. I will gladly point you in the right direction for where to view the anime and read the manga and support the author as well. 
> 
> If you've read this entire note, congrats! haha Thank you all for being around to read this fic and I'll be back for my next fic which is currently completely planned and aiming to be posted starting mid April. 
> 
> See you for the epilogue next week!

“Aye, Damien! Did you happen to look over those papers that I gave you?” 

Damien looked up at where Phil was standing in the doorway of the meeting room. The weekly sales meeting has just passed and now it was just Damien and Phil standing back. Phil had given Damien Dan’s proposal for his next book from his author and he was concerned that Damien wasn’t taking Dan’s work seriously. 

He really wanted to speak to him about it now that he’s gotten serious with Dan. 

It was true that he and Damien had a past. There was no use trying to deny that and hurt feelings further. They did try to date in university and it never happened because Phil never saw Damien as more than just a good friend. 

But he always knew Damien felt otherwise and that did put a bit of a strain on their friendship even though Phil tried to not let it show. But ever since Dan came back into the picture, it was hard to ignore the signs any longer. 

Although Damien has backed off recently when it comes to Dan, there were still many indications that Damien’s pursuit for Phil was not gone. And Phil really needed to set some boundaries. 

“The proposal from Dan?” Damien asked, fingering through the manilla folder he was holding in his hands, “Yeah, I looked it over already.” 

The last person that shuffled out of the room shut the door and they were definitely alone now, making Phil straighten up and just come out with it, “You know I’m with Dan, right?” 

Damien looked up from his paperwork and cocked his head, “I’m sorry, what was that?” 

“I’m dating Dan,” Phil says, his voice trembling a bit, “I thought that you should know that.” 

Damien’s demeanor shifted and Phil watched his shoulders rose and then fell. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Damien asked, his voice a little tense now. 

Phil stuttered, crossing his arms over his chest, “Because you’re my best friend, Damien. And I wanted to tell you that I was in a relationship with Dan again to get us on the same page.” 

Damien shuffled back so his behind was resting against the meeting table. He was hunched over, looking down at the ground in front of him. Phil instinctively looked down too just to see if Damien was staring at anything in particular. 

“Why?” 

Phil was caught off guard by the sudden question, “Why what?” 

“Why did you go back to him?” Damien asked, his voice growing higher in pitch, “He did nothing but break your heart and you still crawled back to him.” 

“That’s not fair to say that!” Phil exclaimed. 

“So you’re going to ignore that you spent your entire university years drowning in alcohol and sex to try and forget the boy that broke your heart?” Damien asks, picking his head up to look at Phil, “And then he waltzed back into your life and you are acting like you weren’t hurt by him all of those…” 

“He wasn’t the only reason why I was hurting,” Phil says. “You don’t know the half of why I was hurting. My parents had just divorced. I had just learnt that the man I called my father wasn’t actually my biological father. And on top of that, I  _ was  _ heartbroken by Dan. But that’s all changed.” 

Damien looked around the room and that’s when Phil realized that Damien’s eyes were turned like glass. He looked about ready to cry but the flush in his cheeks and the slight heave in his chest showed Phil that he was holding back. 

“You’re stuck in the past,” Damien says. “You’re so stuck in the past that you crawled back to the man who just…” 

“I’m not stuck in the past!” Phil countered.

Damien suddenly began to laugh and Phil watched as a stray tear leaked down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. 

“You need to stop interfering with my feelings,” Phil says as calmly as he can. “I don’t love the Dan I knew in the past,” Damien looks up at Phil and Phil opens his mouth and says, “Because I love the Dan I know now.” 

The room drew awkward, and nothing more was said. Phil just watched the occasional movement of Damien as he fidgeted around. Eventually, Damien straightened himself up, smoothed down his shirt, and exited the room with no other words. 

Phil remained back, rubbing his face with his hands as he pulls out the chair from the table and sits down. He needs a minute to figure out what had just happened. There is a lot to process there. 

When he gathers his composure, he makes his way back out to the office and he can hear the murmurs around him. 

_ Damien seemed really upset?  _

_ Was his face always that red?  _

_ His eyes looked a little blood shot. Hopefully he’s not sick!  _

Phil did his best to ignore all of the part timers gossiping at Damien as he made his way back to his desk. He knew that Damien was well known at the company and always was the topic of discussion for various reasonings but this time, Phil ignored them. Most of the time he did egg them on but he couldn’t today. 

Phil sat down at his desk and began to open his laptop when he looked up and noticed Dan was at his usual desk. He looked around the room because sometimes Dan had to go to the copier or the printer for whatever reasoning. 

But he was no where to be seen. 

“Hey, Mitch?” Phil asks and Mitch turns his head to his command, “Where is Dan?” 

“He left about a half an hour ago. He said he was feeling a bit under the weather and needed go home for the night. He did look a bit more pale than usual. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was running a fever with the way he’s running himself ragged.” 

Phil bit his lip and nodded at Mitch. He felt like he should leave and go make sure Dan is okay, but he can’t afford to leave work with how much he needs to do. 

He opts out for working on as much as he can before he closes his laptop and wishes everyone a goodnight on his way out. 

When Phil exits the company building, the colds are rolling in fast, bringing a darkness with them. He couldn’t remember that the weather had called for rain on the forecast today but suddenly it was clear that rain was coming soon. 

Just as the first drop hit his forehead, the monsoon came not long after so he rushed into the first cafe that he saw and stepped inside trying to dry off. There is no way he can make his way home in this so he decides to just get a drink and have some dinner here instead while he waits for the storm to pass.

“Phil?” 

Phil follows the voice to see Dan sitting at an empty table directly behind him, rain dripping from his curls and falling down his forehead. Phil flashes him a smile, and sits down on the opposite side of him. 

* * *

The rain had come out of nowhere and had completely blindsided Dan after he left the library. He lied to the other editors that he was going home because he wasn’t feeling well, but he really just wanted an afternoon to himself again because…

Well, he overheard what Phil had said to Damien in the meeting room. He hadn’t meant to, he swears that. But he was walking by the meeting room and happened to hear Phil’s loud voice coming through the small crack between the door and the moulding. He had stopped for a moment, and listened a bit because of curiosity. But as soon as he heard Phil say that he loved him, he bolted and said to the others he needed to leave. 

He spent the rest of the time at the library where he caught up on old manuscripts and filled out a new form for a second printing on his book. 

Dan was on his way home when the rain hit and he bustled into the closest restaurant to him to take shelter. It was mere seconds after he sat down when Phil came through the door. 

It was almost like fate...if Dan actually believed in any of that. 

“You left work early?” Dan asked, shucking off his soaked jacket over the back of his chair. 

Phil shimmied his own off, “Could say the same for you.” 

Dan blushed, “Yeah...wasn’t feeling good.” 

“Do you need to go to a doctor?” Phil asked him, his voice laced with seriousness. 

Dan shook his head and opened his mouth to say he was fine when a waitress came over and asked if they would like something to drink. Phil asked for a coffee and Dan asked for a hot chocolate to warm themselves up. 

“I talked with Damien,” Phil says. 

Dan looked up him, searching Phil’s expression because Dan wasn’t expecting at all to have Phil confess that to him. 

“Oh really?” 

“He blamed you for a lot of stuff,” Phil says and Dan remains silent. “Apparently he thought that you were the main reason for my hurting in university.” 

“Oh?” 

“My parents divorced not long after you left,” Phil says, “But it wasn’t unexpected. They’d been having problems for years so it wasn’t like they were ever really emotionally involved with the other.” Phil scratched his arm and Dan had an inclination to reach out and put his hand on Phil’s stop him from doing that, “But not long after, I had a health scare and they found out that my father wasn’t actually my father.” 

Dan’s eyes widened. He couldn’t imagine the pain of knowing that you went your entire life thinking your dad was your dad and he turned out that he actually wasn’t. 

“Turns out that my mum’s affairs were happening from way before I was born. It was just a normal occurrence. But it still blindsided me.” 

“I’m so sorry, Phil.” 

“I tried searching for you,” Phil says with a laugh. “When you left for America, I tried searching for you on Facebook and other social media but I never found you.” 

_ Phil searched for me?  _ Dan sat dumbfounded as he looked at Phil across the table and Phil just continued his solemn expression, “Was your parents divorce hard too?” 

Now it was Dan’s turn to be completely confused. He shook his head and quickly cleared it up, “Oh, no? My parents are still married.” 

Phil’s eyes widened and his mouth open and closed, “But you have a different last name too?” 

“No, I don’t?” 

Phil sat back in his chair, “Your last name was James, not Howell.” 

Dan suddenly choked on air and coughed out as he sputtered a quick response out. Dan had completely forgot that when he signed out the same books as Phil in high school, he put his name as  _ Daniel James  _ because he didn’t want Phil to know his actual name and really see him a stalker and a creep. 

“Oh, Phil, no...I used my middle name as my last name when we were in school because I was afraid of looking like a creep when I got out the same books as you.” 

Phil’s expression suddenly changed and Dan could no longer read how he felt. 

“I went... _ ten years _ not even knowing your last name?” Phil exclaimed with a laugh. 

Dan just blushed and shrugged as Phil began to laugh. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“If I didn’t love you, I might have been inclined to say that I actually hated you right now.” 

Hearing Phil say the words  _ love you  _ did something in Dan’s heart and he bit his lip, trying to hide the feeling that it gave him. 

They remained at the cafe until the rain let up, and on the way back to their apartments, they held hands and for the first time since reuniting with Phil, Dan genuinely felt in love with Phil. 

So as they get to their apartments and Dan has half a mind to say  _ goodnight  _ to Phil and part ways, he suddenly turns to Phil and just says it, “I love you.” 

Phil’s mouth falls open and then he’s gathering Dan in his arms, swinging him around as Dan laughs and presses his face into Phil’s neck, “I love you so much, Dan.” 

“I love you too,” Dan repeats, the words getting caught by the skin of Phil’s collarbone. 

They make their way into Dan’s apartment, not letting go of each other as they make their way into Dan’s bedroom. Dan smiles into the kisses, letting the awkwardness of the tear clicking happen because he was so damn happy right now. 

They fall onto Dan’s bed and as Phil sits back and begins to take his shirt off, Dan just reaches up and pulls Phil back down for another kiss. 

_ He could get used to this.  _

* * *

The next morning Dan leaves for work before Phil is even awake beside him in bed. He needs to finish up the rest of his work that he didn’t get a chance to finish the day before due to everything that happened. So he needed to utilize the time before all of the other editors came to the office. 

Dan thought for sure he was going to be alone, but as he got onto the elevator at the building, a hand shoots out and stops the elevator as the doors begin to close and on steps dark haired Damien. 

He’s the last person Dan wants to see at this moment...or ever really. He never really wants to see Damien if he’s being honest. 

“Good morning,” Dan says, trying to be civil. 

But Damien doesn’t answer and as the elevator dings one floor at a time, Damien gets off and doesn’t say another word. 

Dan makes his way into the office and sits down at his desk, digging into his small stack of paperwork. 

By midmorning, Phil has arrived and Dan is nearly done with his late work and is busy finishing up one final thing. He’s typing away on his laptop as Phil walks over to him and comes up behind him, wrapped his arms around Dan’s neck and leaning his chin on the top of Dan’s head. 

“What are you doing? We’re at work?” Dan mutters, confused by the sudden affection. 

“Well, I have some  _ news  _ for you,” Phil says, pressing a quick kiss into Dan’s hair. 

“What is it?” 

“So you know that proposal you gave to the sales department yesterday morning?” Dan nods and Phil presses a few more kisses into his hair, “It’s a total reject.” 

Dan suddenly whips around, knocking Phil off from him, “What the fuck?” 

“Yeah, sales department rejected it and I agree with their reasonings,” Phil says with a shrug, “We need a new proposal by noon today or else the author isn’t getting a book deal.” 

Dan sits stunned as Phil walks off down the hall towards the breakroom. 

Dan is still a bit stunned with the way his life has turned out, and it’s moments like this where... _ just a little bit,  _ he wishes he went to the literature department. 

But as Phil walks back to the office with a mug of coffee in his hand, Dan’s reminded of the real reason he’s here... _ and Phil is just a plus.  _

**Author's Note:**

> updates will be every Saturday at 1pm and every Tuesday at 12pm
> 
> if you like this fic, please consider leaving some kudos and some comments and sending me a message on my tumblr @yiffandquiff


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